UK knitter Geraldine Warner (pen name Trixie Von Purl) has spent five months of her life creating knitted versions of the Kama Sutra and, as you can see, it’s everything we hoped it would be, and then some.
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Weirded out by these knitted numbers? Well Warner reckons that’s probably because you view sex as "a deadly serious pursuit" and because people think of grandmas when they think about knitting.
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To be fair, Warner has a point. Because, as she puts it: "no one likes to think of their grandma having sex!" TRUE.
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"I had lots of fun looking through any Kama Sutra books I could get my hands on, including a bizarre one with a joyless, terrifying looking gentleman strenuously holding each stance, to come up with the right positions," she told HuffPost.
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"I brainstormed the funniest situations I could think of then retreated to my knitting boudoir for 5 months to make it all happen."
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Warner says she tries to push herself in both sex and sewing to get the project to completion. "As far as the knitting is concerned, I always like to challenge myself in terms of techniques and I think that comes through in the patterns," she said. "I’d probably say I adopt a similar approach to my love life. Ahem."
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"The knitted pieces are actually pretty straightforward, although the telephone (conveniently off the hook in the accompanying image) is a bit fiddly," she said.
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"The hardest part was getting the dolls into position and keeping them there, although it’s amazing what you can do with some pipe cleaners, wooden tooth picks and dowel rods. I mean, generally in life too." Note: Take some pipe cleaners on next bedroom date.
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These ones are so cute! They're just cuddling! Oh, wait... hehehehe.
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And THESE ones were knitting, but then just thought "screw it, let's bang instead". No wonder it took Warner five months to complete the project...