12 movie sex things that would not work in real life
Jul 25, 2016 1:02am
1 / 13
While love scenes are often the pivotal moment of any romantic comedy, take away the music and slo-mo, and you're left with something totally impossible. That's because so many movies use your willing suspension of disbelief and the magic of editing to create sex scenes that, while believable in the moment, would absolutely not happen in real life. Here are 12 of the worst offenders.
2 / 13
1. When Noah carries Allie up the stairs in The Notebook. Estranged lovers, memory loss, dying in each other's arms — all that I'm on board with. The one thing Ican'tget behind is the scene when Noah and Allie reunite. Once they're inside, Allie takes off Noah's pants before he lifts her up and carries her up the stairswith his pants still around his ankles.It's seamless, sexy, and nobody trips or is dropped. Maybe Ryan Gosling really is a bird?
3 / 13
2. Colin's surprise orgy in Love, Actually. When I first watched this movie, I kept waiting for the twist. Colin was probably dreaming on the plane, or this was just the story he told people after his trip to America. No? I'm supposed to believe that four insanely hot women (who share a bed, because that's normal) are hanging around an empty Wisconsin dive bar in the hopes that an awkward skinny British man will wander in? Got it.
4 / 13
3. The shower sex in Skyfall. I don't mean to pick on Skyfall, because really, any movie that purports shower sex as a viable and effective method of getting it on is equally as guilty. I guess director Sam Mendes cut out the parts when one person is getting all the water while the other stands, shivering, out of range, or when someone slips on the tiles, or when they use shampoo and the bottle makes a fart noise.
5 / 13
4. Hooking up in the projection room above the auditorium in Mean Girls. Aside from the absolute absurdity of taking your clothes off in school, the auditorium has got to be one of the most highly foot-trafficked spots in high-school. It's like waiting in line for brunch: maybe worth it, but there's probably somewhere else less popular that's just as good.
6 / 13
5. When Bridget runs after Mark Darcy in her underwear in Bridget Jones's Diary. Here's the thing, Bridget: If you have time to put on shoes, you have time to throw on sweatpants, because it's not like you guys could have sex outside anyway. It's snowing, and even nice boys' genitalia aren't impervious to the cold.
7 / 13
6. Making out on a bed in Ikea in 500 Days of Summer. The whole concept of going to Ikea and falling more in love is ludicrous. If this movie had been realistic, Tom and Summer would have ended their relationship right there, because any issues a couple has are sure to surface on an Ikea trip.
8 / 13
7. Liz and Rob having sex (to completion!) in the crowd in Sisters. While the party looks on at the sinkhole in Maura and Kate's backyard, Liz and Rob (played by Samantha Bee and Matt Oberg) decide to discretely do it from behind. In a matter of minutes, with no thrusting or movement whatsoever, the couple climaxes ... simultaneously. I could also tear down the slim likelihood of that ever happening, but we can't hang around here all day.
9 / 13
8. When Rose and Jack get it on in the car in Titanic. Yes, true love is beautiful, but it will never be strong enough to stabilise a rickety car, so let's not pretend that Rose and Jack would have gotten out of that situation unscathed.
10 / 13
9. The insanely over-the-top sex Bella and Edward have in Twilight: Breaking Dawn. While crazy "right here, right now" sex can be super hot, breaking a bed into smithereens is, like, 20 notches too aggressive. Plus, nothing kills a boner more than the looming prospect of cleaning. Also, vampires.
11 / 13
10. Britney Spears orgasming while losing her virginity in Crossroads. No, your first time should never be horrible, but it's also highly unlikely you'll climax given the strong likelihood neither one of you knows what you're doing. If anyone really has ever orgasmed while having sex for the first time, then I'd like that man's number.
12 / 13
11. When Chev and Eve straight-up just have sex on the street in Crank. There's no way that (1) the people around you would be this on board with the whole thing and (2) you wouldn't be immediately arrested and put on the sex offenders register.