Sometimes we’re nostalgic about teenage dating when it was sort of all innocent, and holding hands was a major development. Those were the days… when we didn’t have to deal with those niggling love life questions, like when is it time to let him see (and potentially interact with) your lady garden? Does the three date rule still apply? Should he have meet your friends before you let him see your sheets… so many questions.
So when exactly is the right time for the first time with a new guy? While some couples hook up from the first night (and stay together after this), certain guys take it as a sign that you’re just looking for a fling, which is fine if you are, and not so cool if you’re dreaming of an LTR.
So to help you wade through the potentially treacherous (or at least confusing) waters of dating and erm, mating, we’ve asked matchmaker Samantha Jayne from Blue Label Life to give us her two cents.
When should you take him home?
When it comes to timing, it’s a pretty personal thing. Some think three dates is the magic number and others say it’s three months. But in the end, it varies case-by-case because it’s really down to what you want. If you’re after a casual thing then what are you waiting for? Jump him! But if you’re after an LTR, Jayne says it’s better to wait until you’re both exclusive, on the same page and he’s totally crazy for you, whether that takes one night, a week or a year.
“[Either way,] never, ever worry about losing a man for taking your time, you will only earn more respect,” says Jayne.
Most good guys will be willing to wait it out, but a guy who’s just looking for a little somethin-somethin isn’t going to hang around and maybe bail after a few “nos” from you, but is that the kind of guy you want to be dating anyway? And more importantly if you’re looking for long-time love, that’s the kind of info you want straight-up, right?
Jayne says if you want to take your time before jumping into bed, make sure to be a bit physical and flirty so your potential BF knows you’re still interested. You don’t want the guy to think he’s been friend-zoned. Kissing is always a good place to start and will let him know you’re not repulsed by the sight of him, even if you’re not ready to go between the sheets yet.
If you’ve had a few dates with a guy but you’re not totally sold on him, then consider holding back instead of taking him for a spin. Each time you meet a guy, you open yourself to a whole new circle of people, but if you sleep with him, there are good odds you can kiss dating any of them goodbye. What if the guy you had ONE date with turned out to be best mates with the love of your life?
Also the hormones that are released during sex will make you feel closer to the person you’ve done the deed with, even if you’re not really that into them. So it’s always better to be clear with yourself about your feelings for him before you go getting sex involved.
And on a more practical note you both must be tested for STIs before getting down and dirty because we all know how important it is to stay sexually safe.