Sex

Why do we fake it?

You don’t have to admit it to us, we already know most of you have faked an orgasm, but do you know the real reasons why?

By: Kate Spies
man and woman kissing

Welcome to our no judgement zone… we’re not here to say you have to stop faking orgasms (it would probably be good for your own enjoyment if you did, tough), or that putting it on from time-to-time will ruin your sex life. We’re just here to give you some info about why exactly you might feel the need to get all Meg Ryan in bed. Do with this info what you will…

We start at a disadvantage

A new study found that women are half as likely as men to get to O-Town during casual hook ups. Sure, 75 percent of women can climax with a boyfriend, but when it comes to that guy you met on Saturday night, the number drops to around 40 percent.

"The notion of sexual liberation, where men and women both had equal access to casual sex, assumed a comparable likelihood of that sex being pleasurable... But that part of the playing field isn’t level," says Kim Wallen, professor of endocrinology at Emory University.

You’re with said new guy and you don’t want it seem like you’re not into it, or that he isn’t getting you off, so whaddya do? You fake it. It’s hard to ask someone you don’t know for what you really want in-between the sheets and for many women feeling comfortable with a man is key to climaxing, so we totally get why it can be simpler to take the easy and, er, fake way out.

We don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings

If your BF is used to you having orgasms on the reg, the look of disappointment on his face when he doesn’t “get you there” can be heartbreaking. And it seems 70 percent of women (and even a third of men) feel this way: a study by the University of Kansas found that the reasons so many of us fake it are because “a partner’s orgasm was imminent and they felt under pressure to climax…and they wanted it to end without hurting a partner’s feelings.”

“The emphasis on men's ability to give their partners "earth-shaking orgasms" sometimes leads both women and men to pretend orgasm to meet these expectations,” said the report published by the uni. And we gotta agree with them - Samantha Jones (SATC’s infamous sex goddess) and her frequent and noisy orgasm has a lot to answer for!

We’re just distracted

“I wonder what that girl at work meant when she said that?” “What will I wear to that dress up party?” “Is it better to go to Pilates in the morning or for a walk instead?” “What exactly am I doing right now…oh! That’s right.” With so much noise going on in our heads all the time it’s a surprise that anyone is ever in the moment enough to get off. And this fact has been proven by various sexual studies, where women admitted that mental distraction was ahead of other orgasm inhibiting factors. And the problem with having a million other things going on in your head is that you just need the thing that’s demanding your time (aka your partner and s.e.x) to just stop, hence the fake-y…job done.

We’ve had too much to drink

Alcohol inhibits men and women’s ability to climax. Fact. So when it’s dragging on, and on, and on, because neither of you can O, it’s no wonder that sometimes we will give an Oscar-worthy performance just to get it over and done with.

We feel insecure about our own performance

Sex therapist Matty Silver claims it’s really common for women to bluff an O because of insecurities about their own sexual performance. We can be worried about how long it takes us to come or what it takes to get us there, so we try and normalise the whole experience by pretending to get off at what seems like an “appropriate” time - usually when he is climaxing or going out of his way to help us get there.

Some women also keep their real orgasm to themselves because they have a fear of vulnerability. "There's a vulnerability and emotional risk that comes with climaxing in front of someone," says Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. So in other words you might be using your big O, or lack of it, to keep him at arm’s length.

So, next time you are about to give the performance of your life, maybe you will have a little more understanding about why exactly you’ve suddenly turned into a sexual JLaw.

  • Author: Kate Spies