Stand by your man

How to cope when you love him... and they don’t.

Remember when Posh stayed with Becks even amidst rumours he’d had an affair? We all thought she was mad, but she knew he was the right man for her. Fast forward four years and not only is their relationship one of the most stable in celeb-land, but Posh actually told W magazine recently that the affair only made their bond stronger. However, standing up for your man isn’t always easy. Here, relationship counsellor and sex therapist Diana Gross advises on how to cope when everyone says the relationship is doomed.

He has a shady past
You’re sure he’s put his past behind him, but your loved ones aren’t. “Unfortunately, there’s no quick way to make people change their opinion,” says Diana. “Find out what their anxieties are really about. Are they just paranoid they he’ll steal their stuff when he comes round, or do they have genuine concerns you shouldn’t ignore?” Even if you think they’re wrong, don’t rush in. “You won’t know for sure if he’s turned over a new leaf until months or years later,” Diana warns. Taking it slowly will give you (and them) time to get to know him properly.

He’s upset your best friend
It was late, you’d all been drinking...and your man decided to tell your bestie exactly what he thought of her. “It’s in his best interests to offer an olive branch – even if it wasn’t entirely his fault,” says Diana. “You’ll look a fool telling everyone, ‘Oh, he’s really not that bad’ while he stays silent. He should say to your friend, ‘I had too much to drink and I was an idiot. Please forgive me.’
“Showing he has respect for you and your friends is crucial, so the quicker he repairs things, the easier it will be for you all to move on,” Diana adds.

Your parents don’t approve
 “Parents are entitled to their opinions,” says Diana, “but it’s not up to you to make sure the two parties get on.” Let his actions speak louder than their words. For example, if your mum thinks he’s a rude layabout, he needs to be super-polite or cook you all dinner – even if it’s hard in the face of their disapproval. “If he can show he’s caring and hardworking, that’s half the battle,” Diana adds.

You’re back together – again
When you broke up, everyone had to listen to you slagging him off. Now you’re back together and your friends aren’t happy. “It’s understandable that they’re wary,” says Diana. “But the fact is, people do make mistakes, so if you’ve discussed your past problems, and your new relationship is strong and you’re happy, your friends will be too,” she explains. Help them erase those break-up memories by arranging a nigh out to show them what you’re like together now.

And when to leave him...
“If he abandons you on nights out, treats you with scorn or shows any signs of violence, you should walk away,” warns Diana. “Likewise, keeping secrets from you is another warning sign. If he’s telling you blatant lies, like that he was out with his friends are football when he was actually seeing his ex-girlfriend, you need to ditch him – fast.”