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Tame the bitch within!
Being dumped is hard. It can be humiliating, painful and confusing. Many times you are left with a lot of questions and no answers. But if there is one thing to think about in the emotional mess, it’s to behave with grace - or hide. Avoid bringing out the green-eyed bitch.
One girl wrote to me: “My boyfriend dumped me on my 21st. He said he loved me and missed me but he wants us to be apart and said he can't do it anymore.” She was upset and wanted revenge, asking me the best way to hurt him.
It sounds hard (and disappointing, to all those Fatal Attraction-types out there), but sometimes all you can do is to forgive, move on and be grateful for what was. The last thing she should do now is to start calling his mum and sisters to check on him or send pictures of her voodoo-dolling him.
I have been there, done that. Twelve years ago, when my first real boyfriend dumped me for his ex, I started calling him at night and walking around outside both of their houses to see if I could spot them together. I think I got over him quicker than I got over the embarrassment of being so weird.
A while back I got involved in a similar situation from another angle. I met a wonderful person and we started dating slowly. He was still living with his ex, even if they were not an item anymore. We took it slowly since he was just recently single.
I texted him a few times, as you do. Then one day he called me and very nervously told me to please just call and not text because his ex had been going through his phone and got upset with him moving on too fast. He did not want to hurt her. Our story ended there, even though I still see him as a friend.
I feel sorry for his ex-girlfriend and for every woman out there who live like this. It's so painful to see how usually beautiful people lose it and start checking their ex’s email inboxes or mobiles.
It might sound simplistic and naïve, but remember that you are better – and bigger – than the jealousy that can take hold when you’ve been hurt. You can handle a break-up with dignity. You can move on. When we do that, we are true to ourselves. And we will feel far better afterwards (with no mortifying memories of boiling bunnies). Here are a few of my tried and true tips:
1. Forgive and bless your ex. Be grateful for what you had.
2. Look at what you can learn from the situation.
3. Keep your monster in its cage. Yell and scream and write nasty notes – but do that at home in your room and nowhere else.
4. Do things you enjoy doing.
By Carolin Dahlman
Carolin is a professional love coach and author. She has coached thousands of people to happiness in her one-on-one practice and workshops. Her base is Sydney, but her clients live all over the world. More info: www.coaching2love.com
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