The dating trap

Beware: Your inner datezilla!

There’s a fine line between being well prepared for a date and morphing into some form of dating diva who needs everything to be perfect. But with a little help from Kate Taylor, relationships expert from www.match.com, you can banish your scary inner Datezilla for good.

Symptom 1: Taking the whole afternoon off from work to “prepare”
Getting a blow-dry, spray tan and new shoes for a date may seem normal for you, but, “This shows you’re feeling a little appearance-insecure,” says Taylor. “Try to remember that attraction is a two-way thing – he’s probably just as nervous about how he looks.” In addition, if you spend too much time getting ready, your expectations will be sky-high – which can lead to disappointment, even if the date goes well.

Symptom 2: Setting yourself date homework
All set to claim that you have an undying love for Napoleon Dynamite because you know he loves it? Don’t do it. This shows “You have an overwhelming desire to ‘blend’ with your date,” explains Taylor. “Suddenly it’s all about him, and your interests and opinions go out of the window… men prefer a girl with enough sass to have her own busy life.” So talk up ’80s teen movies if they’re what you’re into – it’ll make you even more attractive to him.

Symptom 3: Pre-planning every conversation topic
First you’ll discuss work. Then hobbies. Followed by favourite bands… see where we’re going with this? “You’re a pleaser who [has to] make sure the date goes well and that he’s comfortable,” says Taylor. “Remember, it’s not your job to keep him entertained; it’s your job to have a good time.”

Symptom 4: Hatching elaborate escape schemes
If you’ve already got your sister programmed to phone you at 8pm on the dot with a “flooded bathroom emergency”, it may be time to rethink your approach to awkward situations. “You’re scared of confrontation,” Taylor says. “Instead of having the courage to say, ‘You know what, I don’t think there’s a spark between us, sorry,’ you feel it’s actually easier to climb out the loo window. There’s no shame in telling him you don’t want a second date – do it over email if you’re shy. It’s not rude if you’ve only just started dating.” Or else, a simply “I’m gay” will do the trick. We’re kidding…

Symptom 5: Resorting to a heap of charms/lucky pants/other superstitions
You drove through three green lights in a row on the way to dinner, so that must mean he’s definitely going to be The Father of Your Children, right? Uh, not really. “Deep inside, you can’t believe that you’ll ever meet Mr Right just by being yourself, so instead you try to cheat fate by carrying a rabbit’s foot in your handbag,” says Taylor. “The truth is, it won’t affect your destiny. You don’t need a magic potion to make a man fall in love with you – you just need confidence. Boost yours by getting friends to text you mid-date to remind you how great you are.”