The Lone Ranger

Go it alone for the holidays

Fretting about spending summer home alone? Cosmo psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos says a one-woman adventure might snap you out of that rut…
 
“I haven’t got anyone to hang out with. I’ve always gone away with my friends, but this year they’ve all booked trips with their boyfriends. I’ve been seeing a few guys recently, but there’s nothing serious – definitely no one I could spend two solid weeks with. I feel really depressed thinking about spending summer alone in my apartment.” – Tania, 27
 
We’ve all been there: when what was once a large group of friends starts to dwindle as, one by one, each hooks up with Mr Right (not Mr Right Now). For you, it probably seems like your friends are floating off into the sunset with the man of their dreams, leaving you feeling alone and, perhaps more significantly, left out. And these feelings are never stronger than during the times you used to spend together – in Tania’s case, holidays with the girls. But there is a way to resolve this situation; first you need to ask yourself what’s actually going on.

What’s this really about?
Are you just upset about missing the holiday or do you feel that it’s time you were in a serious relationship, too? Sometimes when a situation angers or upsets us, it’s really a wake-up call to make changes in our own lives.
 
If so, remember you’re not in competition with your friends, so don’t rush into being with someone just because you feel you need to prove something, or that you have to keep up. Instead, figure out what you want from a relationship before you seek one.

Feeling rejected?
Often, when your friends embark on a relationship, it can feel like a threat to your friendship. But this doesn’t mean your union has to suffer. You can remain close, regardless of who else is in your friends’ lives, even if the things you used to do together may not be quite the same as before.

Your plan of action
Get together: Arrange to meet the girls for a start-of-summer get-together – as your lives progress, traditions don’t have to end, they need to evolve. Making time to reminisce and discuss further plans will bring you closer. It’ll also reinforce the idea that your friendship doesn’t have to change just because your lives have.
Take control: What do you want out of life? It sounds as if you are ready to meet someone to potentially share the important holidays with, so get involved in activities that will allow you to meet new people.
Go it alone: Why not consider a holiday on your own? We’re not denying it’s a scary concept to the uninitiated, but it’s one of the best ways to do some soul searching, and also to meet people. Companies such as Contiki Holidays (www.contiki.com) offer quirky trips for singles. Also, make the most of having the luxury to be selfish – sure, you might miss your amigos, but you don’t have to think about anyone but yourself… and that’s just plain healthy sometimes.