The new way to date
By Lesley Rotchford
Lots of stars are engaging in a hush-hush relationship phase. And for once, experts say they’re onto something good.
There’s a new relationship strategy playing out all over Hollywood: It’s called “dating quietly”. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer had a quiet romance, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have only recently confirmed what we’ve all known for months, and lovebirds Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong have been slow to acknowledge that they’re really together. As for Hilary Duff’s new boyfriend, Mike Comrie, most of us don’t even know his name! It seems that getting burned in the past has taught many formally forthcoming celebrities an important lesson. You can jinx a relationship by defining it too early.
This is one instance in which experts say stars are actually setting a good example for the rest of us. The moment you declare that a guy is your boyfriend, you put a lot of pressure on the relationship. If the union isn’t yet strong enough to withstand that intense pressure, it can crack. A good rule of thumb? “You should wait about three months before you commit to someone, because it generally takes that much time to get to know each other on a deeper level and determine if you are truly compatible,” says psychologist Shennah Hankin, PhD.
Though it’s hard to apply the brakes when you’re falling hard, doing so might be in your best interests. In addition to giving you time to figure out whether this new dude is the right guy for you, it can also help you suss out if he’s really into you. There are plenty of men out there who come on strong in the beginning of a relationship…and then wake up one morning, questioning what they got themselves into.
To protect yourself from getting hurt, you need to take the initiative and slow things down – especially if you have a habit of getting into accelerated relationships that ultimately fail. During the first few weeks of dating, force yourself not to spend every second with a guy, and try to keep your options open until you’re absolutely sure the two of you have something special. “Some couples throw caution to the wind and it ends up working out,” says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of Secrets You Keep From Yourself. “But it’s important to remember that they are usually the exception.”