Girls, it’s time to face facts: no relationship will ever be perfect, so stop trying. You can’t buy the ultimate man at Sportsgirl. You can’t customise him to fit your unique demands. Relationships are mysterious and impossible to control completely. With two people involved - plus a trillion circumstances – how your relationship works will often be outside your jurisdiction, ladies.
The best way to "work" on a relationship is NOT to write a list of things your partner should change, but to improve your own attitude about faults.
When you are in a relationship, especially when you’re living together, it’s easy to be annoyed about things that might seem silly to an outsider, but to you, have become as problematic as Guantanamo Bay is to Obama. So let’s step away for a bit examine the sorts of things you might be getting upset about.
- Does he waste money?
- Does he slurp his soup?
- Does he wear awful shoes?
- Is he a bad kisser?
- Does he throw tantrums?
- Does he always sleep in?
- Is he always up too early?
- Does he have a clingy ex?
- Does he have an annoying mum?
- Does he work long hours
- Is he unemployed?
- Is he immature?
- Is he pretentious?
- Does he smell?
- Are his mates always there?
- Does he never clean?
- Is he bad in bed?
- Does he not want sex anymore?
The list is endless and during my years as a love coach I have got emails and messages about all of these problems. It hits me that the girls who send me their questions put the problem in the centre of their relationship and examine it with magnifying glasses and put the light on it. Which only makes it worse!!
Look at the list and:
1. Be aware of how many flaws your partner does NOT have.
2. Do the great things about him outweigh the flaws? If so, it’s time to move on from the flaws and see him for the great person he is. If not, just move on. Full stop.
3. Look at all the good things you actually get out of the relationship.
4. Look at your own flaws... Are YOU perfect?
5. Accept that life with another person never will be perfect in your way. If you want everything YOUR way, stay single.
By Carolin Dahlman
Carolin is a qualified love coach and author of the book Find Love. She coaches people to find love, keep love and love themselves in her one-on-one practice and workshops. More info: www.coaching2love.com