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Toy boys and sugar daddies
”Men my age are grumpy and fat,” said 51-year-old Madonna when people questioned her relationship with 22-year-old model Jesus Luz. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher suddenly seem ordinary, showing love has no limits. Madonna simply said younger men are more adventurous, open and fun. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Love is an energy and has more to do with connection, mystery and magic than ticking boxes. Who cares if the boy is of perfect length, age and social class if he is dull and makes you yawn? And what do you choose: the right job, dog and car - or the ability to talk or night, to cry and laugh together? Love can´t be controlled. It has its own ways.
I know it is easier if the person is like us in terms of culture, life style, age or other “facts”, but love can´t be handled as a thing, simply because it´s not. You can´t own it or grab it or hold it or use it as you please. The love energy grows or shrinks depending on so many different things. If two hearts connect they just do, whether we want it or not.
Large age differences in relationships can cause trouble – as can differences in how to spend money, what party to vote for or where to sip pina coladas on a holiday. All relationships have their challenges, but if you are in love with a man older or younger than yourself, make sure you know how to avoid dramas:
1. Are you and your partner in the relationship for the same reasons – long-term or short-term, sexual or romantic, because you love or want to escape “the real thing”?
2. Will your or his parents (or kids) accept the relationship? How can you tell them in the best, most respectful way?
3. How will you handle the fact that your groups of friends will be from different generations? Even if your loved one is more mature or more childish than “normal”, his friends might still be typical of their generation.
4. Do you have similar economic mindsets and situations? If one of you is a student and the other has a great career, money can become a problem.
5. Think ahead a little, about kids and the future. As in any relationship, there is no way of knowing how long it will last. People who are the same age may divorce after a month and those whose age is very different may stay together for a long time – you never know! But consider how the age gap could affect you and your happiness.
There are no hard and fast rules around this - you have to come up with your own ways of handling the issues, but as long as you are talking about these issues, you are less likely to break up for the wrong reasons. You are more likely to focus on the happiness instead of the problems!
If the age issue is messing with your mind and you dwell on it too much, that in itself will be destructive. Try to think of the good parts instead! Enjoy the lust and love and magic that you have together with a person who loves you back! Live in the wonderful energy that love is, breathe it, give a lot and shine.
By Carolin Dahlman
Carolin is a qualified love coach and author of the book Find Love. She coaches people to find love, keep love and love themselves in her one-on-one practice and workshops. More info: www.coaching2love.com
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