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Ellikus
Date Joined: 16.01.2012

Star Sign: Scorpio

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Ellikus
16.01.2012
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should i stay or go?

My guy and I have been together for 2 yrs now. Over the past 2 yrs it has been full on and we have had lots of issues, here are some examples:

* At a party 3 months after we met he accused me of going round grabbing other guys bums, I was not doing this and this was a lie made up by his "mate" because he thought it was "funny" to cause problems. I denied it and said the truth that i had not done it but he gave me the silent treatment until i eventually said "i love you" because i was desperate, i had not been ready to say that but felt forced into it, after this he forgave me and everything was ok but then later that night he wasnt listening to me and i was quite sick and couldnt walk far as i was dizzy, he was refusing to listen to me and when i raised my voice he said "blow me" really loud and angrily to me, something i feel is completely disrespectful.

* he wanted to get married so in the end i compromised and bought him a wedding ring that cost over $1,000 and did a mini "pretend" wedding where we had a committment ceremony etc just to show him i am serious, again doing something i didnt want to do.

* i wanted to save $$ before moving in with him but he pressured me into moving sooner than i had wanted, now we are stuggling with $ and i am still paying off debt, if he had waited and stopped pressuring me so much it would have taken 3-4 months longer and we wouldnt be in debt right now

* he pressures me to have sex, i have had a traumatic past and been abused as a child and have explained this to him but he doesnt seem to listen, when i say no he constantly pressures me by asking "why?" or complaining that it has been too long etc, i have respectfully asked him not to ask why and explained that i have a right to say no without being harassed or questioned but he wont give up, often i give him sex just so he will leave me alone

* the latest issue is that i have asked for space and to move out for 3 months, so that i feel i can have a bit of freedom and control over my own life as before we start a family etc i would like to have that experience (he has already done that so he doesnt feel the need to do it) i have asked many times for this but every tiime he refuses and says "its not practical" or will just outright refuse, i am not saying i want to give up, i am happy to still be in a relationship, i just want a bit of a break as i have never lived on my own, its always been with my parents, house mates or friends or him and i want an opportunity where just for once i dont have to share with anyone and to have some "me" time before we have kids. he is refusing to this idea but when i mentioned the possibility of moving to the mines on my own to get work he is quite happy with that. he is happy to get rid of me if it conveniences him (by me making heaps of money to buy US stuff) but not happy if it is purely for my own "needs"? i feel this is unfair.

* he is happy for me to go far away from my family and friends and any support to live in the mines and make money doing something i dont particularly want to do but he wont come with me and wont sacrifice the same things, instead allowing me to do all the work?

* i work very long hours (24 hour care shifts for someone with a disability) and he only works 8hrs a day mon-fri, i come home and he hasnt done a thing, there is still washing on the line that i hung out the day before, i have left food for him for dinner and yet i find mcdonalds wrappers everywhere, he is a slob and ungreatful

* I left him once before and stayed in a homeless shelter because he said to me one night "no wonder i feel depressed, i feel

Poll

BE THE LOVE JURY. SHOULD SHE LOVE HIM OR LOSE HIM?

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Comments

Posted 29 feb 2012 by unpre_unique | Report this comment

I applaud you for writing that, I could never have that kind of strength as you have just showed. Honestly, it sounds like emotional blackmail. My mother use to say to me, "no one can ever tell you what to do, how to do it and what to wear doing it." You deserve to be loved, spoiled, feel needed and wanted and still have your dignity and pride. I wish I could give you a hug, make the decision that feels right to you and remember to hold your head high. I give you all the luck in the world.
Posted 07 feb 2012 by SallyWood | Report this comment

Ellikus, I am glad you were brave enough to tell your story honestly in this blog. I also think it is beautiful how many people reply in support of you. I think you already know what you should do - and I think that seeing how much support you get from strangers must help! All the best.
Posted 02 feb 2012 by mumma-ink | Report this comment

I am asking myself the same questions and have the same kind of experiences,feeling pressured etc,but now i am 7 1/2 months pregnant to the idiot who still wont make a commitment to move to where i am,he wont leave his mates for his family. get out before you get into my situation,i dont regret my daughter,but i do regret who her father is,and how ive let him treat me. let go,and be happy,live your life for you, not him :)
Posted 24 jan 2012 by shelly_j | Report this comment

Leaving someone is a hard thing but you sound like a smart girl, leave him, go back to your family who will love you unconditionally. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesnt respect you.
Posted 22 jan 2012 by monroe | Report this comment

Hi Ellikus It seems to me that this guy is insecure and is enjoying all the control you are giving him. You do what you wanna do. He is not taking your feelings into consideration so why should you? I know it's hard but I always say I rather be lonely then be miserable in a relationship. If it comes down to you needing a place to stay ask family, friends, or anyone that can help because loosing your dignity to benefit your happiness is much better than loosing your dignity to an asshole who takes pleasure in making you miserable. Good luck All the best!
Posted 19 jan 2012 by chiblet2099 | Report this comment

To be blunt, he sounds as if he is simply trying to achieve his own personal goals such as moving out when he wants regardless of whether you are not ready or not. It sounds great that you have been honest in this blog, but ask yourself whether you want to forever be following his footsteps and not making your own,also sex shouldn't be something you have to coax yourself into, its your body and he should respect your wishes. If you love somebody, you want them to be happy and to try to keep them smiling instead of a frown. Are you happy? Good luck.
Posted 16 jan 2012 by EliseMoana | Report this comment

i think if youve posted this blog about it and all the points are ngative ones you know the answer already. dont lookt o other people to make you feel strong and secure in your decision that kind of choice is something only you can make and i feel like you already know the answer.