Welcome to charm school

How to survive any situation

Make your conversation sparkle with our guide to surviving every possible small-talk emergency.

We’d all love to be the kind of women who can chat to anyone, anywhere, any time. But, in reality, when faced with an impromptu encounter, some of us are far more likely to draw a blank and end up hiding in the loo. So, next time you’re stuck for something to say – whether you have 30 seconds or an hour to fill – follow these tips and prepare to charm the pants off everyone you meet.

30 seconds – in the lift
There aren’t many more situations more excruciating than those few seconds (which can feel like hours) spent in the lift with your boss. But even between a few short floors, you can make an impression. “Try something like, ‘Are you having a good day?’ or even compliment them on their outfit,” says Leil Lowndes, author of How To Talk To Anyone. “Maintain eye contact and when you reach your floor say, ‘Oh this is me,’ as if you’re sad the chat has ended.”
Killer question: “That dress is lovely – where did you get it from?”
Conversation killer: What’s that smell? Is it you?”

Five minutes – in the street
Have you ever spotted a vague acquaintance and found yourself hiding in a shop doorway? It may be tempting to avoid them, but don’t panic. “No matter how little you know someone, act like they’re an old friend,” says Leil. “Let your voice lift and talk about what you have in common – for example, ‘Wasn’t it a lovely wedding last weekend?’ Look for something different about them from the last time you met, such as a new haircut, and when you leave, rush away. It’ll make the person think that, although you’re really busy, you made the effort.
Killer question: “Fancy seeing you here! What have you been up to?”
Conversation killer: “Sorry, what’s your name again?”

15 minutes – at a party
You don’t know him, so how do you make him think you’re the most fascinating creature in the whole room? “Before you arrive, find out what most people there will have in common,” says Leil. If your host is a graphic designer and has invited workmates, use that. “Most people like talking about themselves, so keep the focus of discussion on him and listen carefully to what he says. Watch his expression to see what he enjoys talking about the most.
Killer question: “So how do you know [name of the host]?”
Conversation killer: “Funny – she’s never mentioned you to me before.”

One hour – at a dinner party
Dinner at a friend’s house can be dire is you’re surrounded by tight-lipped strangers. “Before the night, think about hot topics that might come up, such as the latest celebrity gossip or stories in the news,” advises Leil. “It sounds better if you can shoot back with a snappy opinion. Think of a few anecdotes to tell – the fresher, the better. Ask questions that can’t produce just ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers.”
Killer question: “What do you think of the US election?”
Conversation killer: “Wow, it takes guts to wear a skirt that short!”