Why emotional baggage doesn't scare guys away

By Molly Tiffin

There’s little reason to hide a checquered past. Just look at all the starlets who’ve had their fair share of hard times... and are still being pursued by the world’s sexiest men.

Everyone has at least a little relationship baggage. But these days, a woman’s cargo – whether it’s a carry-on amount or enough to fill the luggage hatch of a 747 - doesn’t seem to deter a guy from wanting to date her. Look no further than Hollywood for examples: Reese Witherspoon split from her husband and has two small children, but Jake Gyllenhaal seems smitten. Demi Moore’s brood didn’t faze Ashton Kutcher. Halle Berry confessed to being sucidal after her first marriage failed, yet her beau Gabriel Aubry takes it in stride. And Angelina Jolie? Two husbands, a lesbian affair, and a creepy kiss with her brother couldn’t keep Brad Pitt away!

According to Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of Secrets You Keep From Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness, issues such as troubled relationships and stints in rehab have been de-stigmatised thanks to tabloids, talk shows, and tell-all memoirs. And with divorce rate as high as 50 percent, ex-wife or uom status is an accepted dating reality, even for twenty-somethings.

In fact, some guys even prefer girls who don’t have squeaky-clean dating slates. “Men like to feel needed and valued, and women who have endured hardships bring out their protective nature,” says Neuharth.

That said, it still can be scary to lay bare your history to a guy you’re into. The key is to be honest and unapologetic about your experiences. “Tell him straight off the bat about important things, such as divorce, but be brief and matter-of-fact,” says Russell Friedman, co-author of Moving On: Dump Your Relationship Baggage and Make Room for the Love of Your Life. You don’t need to dish the details or bring up personal things, such as abuse or depression, until your relationship becomes serious.