If you’re itching to step out on your man, you’re one of many. Here’s what’s driving temptation these days - and how to resist it.
The latest figures are out from a survey of American behaviour: 15 percent of women under 35 say they’ve cheated on their spouse – and that’s just the tip of the infertility iceberg. “Women underreport affairs in face-to-face studies, so real numbers are likely to be three times higher,” says David C. Atkins, a University of Washington research associate professor who evaluated the stats.
Something is clearly spurring this desire, and many experts chalk it up to a seismic shift in our view of sex. “Women feel entitled to pleasure, so going outside the relationship is no longer taboo if it satisfies needs a partner isn’t meeting,” says M. Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating. Factor in the ubiquity of "starter marriages," celebs who stray with impunity (Brangelina, anyone?), and websites that engineer extramarital affairs and before long, the idea of lifelong monogamy seems quaint - at best.
Compounding that license to cheat is a whole new world of enticement. Today, women kick ass more than ever at work, but that demands time at the office and on the road. This can be rife with temptations like a work ‘spouse’ or cute guy at the hotel bar. “Business trips and spending less time with a partner are related to the higher likelihood of an affair,” says Atkins. Even at home, you have access to anybody and everybody online. The guy who got away? He’s at your fingertips on Facebook. Also, technology makes it easier than ever to cover up one-night-stands – a simple text saying “Stuck at work, miss you!” and you’re in the clear.
It isn’t just opportunity that lures women to wander. Current culture also fuels the cheating mindset. Just as we lust after the latest and greatest It handbag, women want to upgrade their relationships. Fewer guys than ever graduate to college in proportion to girls, so suddenly, we’re settling for men with less education. “Studies show that if you feel you can do better, you feel more entitled to stray,” says Gary Lewandowski, associate professor of psychology at Monmouth University. Plus, coming of age in the hookup culture only adds to that craving for newness. “You may have a wild single life and think finding The One will make you not want to fool around,” says Atkins. “But even a great guy is a lot harder to stay loyal to when you’re so used to variety and freedom,” she adds.
But there is hope for long-term love. Research shows that if you make an effort to actively build your bond by doing new things with your guy, you’ll ignore temptation. “Anything that promotes time and learning together, like taking a wine class, puts you on solid ground,” says Lewandowski. And make sure you and your man keep logging plenty of hours in bed too. The more sex you have, the more you’ll actually crave it – from him and only him.
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