Bachelor

'The Bachelor Australia' 2018: The one where Cat, Romy and Alisha got booted

Don't mind the door on the way out, ladies.

By: Susannah Guthrie

Finally, weeks' worth of painful bitchiness on The Bachelor Australia 2018 had its pay off when Nick 'The Honey Badger' Cummins sent mean girls Romy, Cat and Alisha packing.

Absolutely no one was sad except the three aforementioned women. And maybe the producers.

First to go was Cat, after Nick asked Tenille to identify the mean girls using a very unsubtle candle diagram.

Wait, which one is Romy?

He confronted Cat about her behaviour and, despite her crocodile tears, was unconvinced by her defence that she's just "speaking her mind". He straight-up told her that her bullshit was stopping him from "finding the girl of my dreams".

It was a great move by the Badgelor, but about eight episodes too late. Why did I have to sit through Cat repeatedly telling me she lives in Bali for a total of 10 hours only for it to end in her being escorted into a vehicle while wearing a cheap, discount store toga?

After Cat's departure, Osher returned to the cocktail party to very dramatically tell everyone Cat had left the building. The resulting reaction scene would have left Boticelli shaking.

The Renaissance vibes are strong.

Next to go were the second and third members of the Tripod, Alisha and Romy. Romy bailed out of loyalty to the love of her life, Cat. Alisha just didn't score a rose. Her iconic last words to Nick were: "Have a good one."

HAVE A GOOD ONE. I'm going to use that next time someone humiliates me on national television.

Unfortunately, Brittney 2.0 was also sent home which is a real tragedy because she was nuts and I wanted to see her dance around several more cocktail parties like one of those blow-up longbois outside used car stores.

God bless you, Brittney 2.0.

Now that the so-called bullies are gone, Nick can focus properly on dropping the 'W' word – WIFE – about Brooke. And sketching things that belong on Law & Order: SVU.

This feels like a cry for help.

Here's a controversial thought: Were Romy, Cat and Alisha all just producer projects designed to make Nick look like a great guy?

I mean, I'm sure things get bitchy in the mansion, but I'm not sure I believe adult women actually behave like that, especially on national television.

Also, in my humble opinion, the real villain here is The Honey Badger for having the NERVE to suggest women in their 20s revisit every teenage girl's worst nightmare: the school swimming carnival.

I don't care if you look like Chris Pine and have the personality of Jim from The Office, I will NOT put on that one-piece for you. I have my period, I swear.

Me trying to win the 50m freestyle during the height of my adolescence while my puberty tries to hold me down.