Bachelor

'The Bachelor Australia': Brittany and Brooke got kissed ...hard

The Honey Badger's got GAME.

By: Susannah Guthrie

It's week two of The Bachelor Australia and we've finally had our first consensual kiss! Two of them, in fact.

Turns out the man they call The Honey Badger (which, to be honest, still makes me feel uncomfortable) has a little something we like to call ~game~.

It takes a self-confident man to woo a woman with, wait for it, foot golf.

The episode kicked off with contestant Brittany's single date with Nick, who arrived on a speedboat wearing a captain's hat and invited her to jump aboard for a day of fun.

I felt tired just watching it.

Anyway, as I was saying, Nick Cummins somehow managed to turn a boat ride featuring novelty hats, followed by a game of foot golf (a sport he definitely made up on the spot), into a passionate pool makeout session.

That's right folks, this...

By some miracle, lead to this...

And it was a damn fine smooch too. The Badge kept Brittany hanging just long enough, before lifting her into his arms and playing foot golf with his tongue. I apologise for that analogy.

It only served to amp up rumours Brittany is the winner of the whole show, after she liked an Instagram comment implying she was the chosen lady and Nick let slip he'd fallen for a brunette.

Absolutely zero people in the mansion were happy for Brittany when she returned half-drenched and clutching a rose. Least of all Cass. Watching her 23-year-old heart get stomped on is getting less enjoyable with every episode.

Everyone was pretty pissed.

Let's quickly address the irony of this t-shirt, shall we?

Next, it was time for the group date and things got very Ninja Warrior very quickly.

Then came the only individual in this show I can relate to: An alpaca slowly chewing in a judgemental fashion.

I see you, boo.

Just when we thought Brittany's pool kiss couldn't be topped, along came Brooke who quite literally tackled Nick to the ground and then administered "CPR" and kissed him.

He then flipped her over and they had a passionate kiss on the grass (I felt itchy just watching) that rivalled Brittany's water immersion version.

This has brought me to the following conclusion: Maybe The Honey Badger is just a good kisser?

Maybe every kiss, apart from poor old Romy's, is going to be a banger because, well, Nick is a professional tackler. And making out isn't that far from tackling.

Speaking of tackling, Cass did the dating equivalent of a tackle by reading all of her demons aloud to him and then sobbing in his arms.

^ Me when I take too many plates at yum cha.

Listen, it was a drama-filled episode and I enjoyed it. Especially when Vanessa Sunshine explained the concept of brunch to Nick. It was a mood.

Despite everything, Cass stayed, proving clingy is cool. That's right ladies, send that fifth text message in a row. Heck, send him your whole diary! No, deliver it to him personally! At his home! Men love that sh*t.

In a final act of crazy, crystal lady AKA Cayla departed with a final warning: Trust no one. Especially not Cat and Romy.

Personally, the only one I trust is the alpaca.