The show opened with Bachelor Nick Cummins confirming his role on the show by declaring, "I'm the flamin' Bachelor!" Alright, Alf Stewart. Calm down.
Then the ladies started to arrive, all of them lovely women with their own individual charms. Whatever. I no longer remember their names. Because: Dasha.
Dasha, full name Dasha Gaivoronski, is the ultimate woman. I won't hear otherwise. She's a mum, a personal trainer and a Russian queen.
Other girls rocked up and giggled and shyly hugged the Badge, but Dasha just straight up mounted him and used him as a gym apparatus.
I don't know if she missed her morning workout and needed to squeeze it in, or if she just wanted to test The Honey Badger's core strength. All I know for sure is that it was the ultimate power move.
The Honey Badger gets it:
Even the other girls were into it. When talking about who they expected to nab the coveted key to Nick's house, their first pick was Dasha.
"She's smoke-show," one girl said. "And a sexy mama," another added.
The 32-year-old also has a way of saying Osher with her spectacular accent that makes me want to hear his name all day, every day.
I would like to watch a late-night talk show called Osher & Dasha in which they just say each other's names over and over for 1.5 hours straight.
Dasha has been married once before, when she was 23, and has a five-year-old son named Leon.
She told NW what she was looking for in a man: "I've been married already and I have a child, so I know what I want and won't settle for anything less than amazing. I would much rather be by myself."
Us considering applying this mantra to our own lives:
If you'd like to stalk Dasha and all the other contestants, click here for a full wrap of their Insta accounts.