Celebrity

Need to dump your partner? The Breaker Upperers are here to help

From pretending to kill your parents to joining a roller derby and shaving your head, they have some real gems.

By: Kate Wagner

How shit is breaking up with someone? Of course it can be devastating to be broken up with, but there's plenty of movies about that. There isn't, however, enough recognition for how heart wrenching it is to be the one doing the dumping. There's normally a build up to D Day — you umm and ahh about whether you really want to break up with whoever it is, wrestle with the realisation it simply has to be done, try and pick a time that'll cause the least harm for both of you and then the guilt. That guilt can eat you up for weeks.

If you could, wouldn't you do away with that anguish, that emotional torture? Given the opportunity, wouldn't you just pay someone else to do the dirty work? Well friends, The Breaker Upperers are more than happy to provide that service.

Mel and Jen — played by Madeleine Sami and Jackie van Beek — will, for a fee, sever ties for you by whatever means necessary. They can do it through song, by crashing your wedding, pretending to be an outraged ex, or they can take it up a notch and fake your death or kidnapping.

The pair's golden rule is "don't get attached to clients" so obviously, Mel falls for one — a dopey, sweet 18-year-old played by James Rolleston, all grown up from his starring role in Taika Waititi's breakout film Boy.

Undeniably a film rife with morally ambiguous themes — sleeping with a teen, working for "weak arseholes who don't have the guts to talk to their partners" — they don't dwell in the darkness, but embrace the absurdity and make it funny as hell.

As much as it pains us to say it, Kiwis are bloody hilarious. Their home grown flicks are consistently wet-your-pants-funny and it's safe to say Taika Waititi single-handedly saved the Thor franchise by retaining his cultural identity. The Breaker Upperers is no different — it's self-deprecating with relatable, flawed heroes. Well, relatable when it comes to friendship and finding love, the faking deaths stuff probably isn't as applicable.

Stars Madeleine and Jackie are the heart and soul of the show, which makes sense given they wrote and directed it as well (something they assure us was because they were best for the job, not because of budgeting issues).

In the film, the girls were creative with their break up techniques so, now assumed verified experts on how to get out of tricky relationships, we hit them with some "hypotheticals" (one or two may have been based on real experiences) and asked their advice.

"Say you've wanted to break up with someone for ages but then one of their parents dies," we asked. "You can't dump them, you'll be a monster! What should you do?"

"I would probably murder one of your own parents so it's more even," they offered.

WATCH: Their full (hilarious) answer below.

Okay sure, easy, but what if you're married and your husband just won't accept it's over?

"Find a woman and convince her to move in," Jackie suggested. "There'd be the three of you living there and then slowly alienate him — in front of the kids as well — and then he would just leave after a year or two."

A long con, but makes sense.

What about those relationships where you're just not as into it as they are. You're down to Netflix and chill, but they're tagging you in engagement ring options, how do you get out without crushing their soul?

"Get a really extreme haircut," Madeleine said, not missing a beat. "Join roller derby or something. Change your personality so drastically she's like, 'wow you're not the person that I thought you were' and then as soon as you're broken up, just be yourself again."

Truly inspiring stuff.

You can catch The Breaker Upperers at any good cinema around the country right now. What are you waiting for? Run.