Love

The 8 best things about having a vacation boyfriend

If he disappoints you, so what? He's staying in Bali, you're going back home.

By: Lane Moore

1. If he disappoints you, so what? He's staying in Bali, you're going back home. If he suddenly starts to act like a flakey dickhole, who cares? You have one more day of cuddling and sex before you can go back home and never care again.

  1. You don't have time to be timid about asking for what you want in bed because you fly back Thursday.** So the first night you get into it, you can be like, "Focus on my clit while you finger me. No, not like that. Like this. Alright, good," with zero, "Well, let me see if he gets it on his own." No time for that. None.

  1. You'll never run into him at the dry cleaner after you break up and have to make chitchat. **Unless your dry cleaner is on an island you've only ever been to once because you got a really good deal online, you're safe.

  1. He'll probably only see you at your perfectly manicured island hottest.** And you'll hardly even have to try. When most women go away for vacation, it's like they're really taking a vacation from being a disgusting nightmare food monster who showers semi-regularly and brushes her hair when she remembers to. So any guy you meet is seeing you freshly bikini-waxed and pedicured and tan with beachy waves that didn't require a $30 leave-in spray. He doesn't need to know that this is basically a mirage. And he never will know.

5. Your expectations are hella low. As long as he's super hot and treats you eh, decently, he is truly all you need him to be.

  1. You are racking up some serious masturbation material you can carry with you for months.** Maybe years if his abs are really on point.

  1. If he's lying about anything, damned if you know.* In relationships with people you did not meet at a Holiday Inn Resort and Spa, you get to know them more and more over time and you start realising, Yeah, this guy is full of shit about a lot of things, and then you just decide if you want to keep dating each other or not after that. But with vacation boyfriends, yes, they're probably lying about being an international playboy who spends most of their time on a yacht but you don't know that for sure, so, sure. He is. Similarly…

  1. If you're lying about anything, he'll never know either.** Are you in fact a wealthy heiress with two homes in Aspen who sleeps all day and summers here every few months to get away from the probing eyes of the paparazzi? I mean, sure. Also your name is Bethanny St. Francis IV.

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Source: Cosmo US