A user’s guide to using caffeine’s power to increase your productivity

Make coffee your bitch

By Danica Baker
make coffee your bitch

If you haven’t already heard the bad news, then brace yourself; your morning coffee is doing nothing. That’s right, zilcho, nada, diddly-squat. Our body naturally releases a hormone called cortisol which makes uS feel more alert, and its peak time of release is 8-9am. And that cheeky little thing called cortisol actually diminishes caffeine’s ability to wake you up. So if you want the maximum morning buzz from your espresso hit, you should hold off until around 11am.

We here at Cosmo know how confronting the thought of getting through an ENTIRE morning without a skim cap is, so we’ve come up with a step by step plan to see you through to that first caffeine hit.


Although the snooze button may be up there with pinot grigio as one of your favourite things in life, force yourself to refrain from hitting it this morning. Instead, jump out of bed and slip on your trainers. While a little exercise is never a bad thing, it will also wake you up. Even just going for a quick jog around the block in the morning will get your blood pumping which, in turn, should have you feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed (read: awake, for the groggy ones amongst us).


The cravings are going to be hitting hard right now. It’s the peak time for your habitual morning cuppa, so take a deep breath and remind yourself that your body is naturally waking itself up now as it releases the cortisone. Repeat after us; “I don’t need coffee yet, I don’t need coffee yet, I don’t need coffee yet.” You got this. And if you need a little extra to fill the void, try sipping on a green tea instead.

9:30 am

Still feeling sleepy? Try reaching for an apple instead of a coffee. While it may sound strange, the natural sugar in an apple can wake you up naturally and keep you going, which is always handy in the morning. The fructose (natural sugar) moves slowly through the body, also reaching areas which might not wake up quickly– like your metabolism. Plus, there’s no crash, unlike our ex-BFF coffee. Bonus!


Almost. There. While you might be missing the smooth taste and intoxicating aroma of espresso, you’re actually feeling surprisingly human. Am I Right? Yep, those cortisones are clever little things. If you’re still hankering for a hot brew, try a Dandelion Root tea. It’s great for those who enjoy the taste of coffee but want caffeine free alternative (you’ve come this far, right?). Plus Dandelion root tea also has more protein than spinach. The new you is ticking health boxes left, right and centre.


You made it! virtual high five. If you’re not already queuing at the corner cafe with a serious case of withdrawal shakes, now’s the time to head for your first caffeine hit of the day. Although, we have a feeling you’re not gonna like what we’re about to tell you. Studies have found that 20mgs is the perfect amount of caffeine for maximum productivity. And, er, your standard flat white has 58mgs, so you’re going to want to order a weak one. runs for cover. Although, in more positive coffee news, ~science ~ also says as long as you’re drinking low dose caffeine, you can drink it more often. So, pencil in your next coffee run for 1pm.