We're going to go ahead and file this under things we didn't expect to write today. Everyone's favourite Deadpool DILF Ryan Reynolds is reportedly starring in a Home Alone revise and it sounds, well, pretty wild actually.
According to Deadline, Ryan is going where no man has gone before with the revise of the legendary film, which could be just the right level of cooked. Or should we say… baked.
Because instead of 8-year-old Kevin McCallister being left home alone by his neglectful family (srsly though), it's going to feature a grown-ass man missing a plane and getting stoned.
Oh yeah, and it's called Stoned Alone.
Deadline reports Reynolds will produce (and potentially star in) the revise which centres around "a twenty-something weed growing loser who misses the plane for his holiday ski trip. He makes the best of things by getting high. Paranoia sets in and he believes he hears someone break into his house. Turns out thieves have broken in. Fully stoned and fueled by paranoia, he tries to thwart the thieves and defend his castle."
We definitely don't hate it.
Augustine Frizzell is set to direct the film and we're going to throw it out there – Macauley Culkin could totally make an acting comeback here.
Then Ryan will have more time to continue doing what he does best: trolling Blake Lively.
Meanwhile, in tenuously linked news: someone has come up with a rather sinister theory about how the f-k Kevin's dad afforded that mansion and all those kids in Home Alone.
Posting their theory to Reddit, the film buff concludes: Peter McCallister is a hardened mob criminal.
"Home Alone is one of my favorite movies of all time and as such, I've seen it about a million times. Watching it over the years you start to realize things that didn't pop out as a kid. One of the things I noticed was that Kevin's dad, Peter, has something fishy going on. My theory is that he's some kind of mid level criminal for the mob or something."
"First, the very first time we see Peter is when Harry is dressed as a cop scoping the place out. Peter is WAY defensive in this interaction. All Harry does is ask If he's the owner of the house and Peter jumps straight to 'Am I in some Kind of trouble officer?'. The look in his face is on edge the whole time he's talking to Harry.
"Secondly, we never find out what he does. They don't mention where he works, or his background, or anything. Now in the book adaptation of the movie they say something about him being in "business". That's pretty vague. But Peter makes enough money to have a wife that doesn't work and like 5 kids. He also has a house that is worth like 1.5 million."
"Finally, this one is kind of weak, but look at how his family carries themselves. Kevin's mom is a cold emotionally dead bitch who says terrible things to her 8 year old son. Buzz is a fucking psychopath, who is probably set up to follow in his dad's footsteps. Uncle Franks is obviously a crook of some kind. Then there's Kevin, who seems completely ok with killing two robbers. I don't think his intent was to "bonk them on the noggin". He was out for blood. I mean when I was 8 I knew that if I dropped an iron on someones head from 20 ft they would die."
The user signs off: "Plus, the whole family has terrible manners. Just look at the scene when Kevin's mom is trying to use the pay phone in Paris and a woman is already using it. The whole family just muscles the poor woman off the phone."
Food for thought, huh?