The real reason the Bachelor and Sam broke up

The engagement is off ALREADY. WTF.

By Rebecca Sloan

At Cosmo HQ, we’re kind of into watching The Bachelor (if by ‘kind of’ you mean TALKED ABOUT IT EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY). So when the internet went into overdrive telling us that Sam and Blake have already broken up because he got someone pregnant, we just couldn’t believe it. That’s way too far-fetched. Right? Right?

Well, it turns out we were right. Runner up Lisa has just confirmed (via Instagram) that Blake DID NOT get her preggo just before popping the question to Sam.

Because we’re proper journalists and want to get to the bottom of important issues, we set about doing extensive research into why they really broke up before the finale even aired. Here are the only logical explanations…

1) After Sam got her roots done, Blake couldn’t see a future without the multi-coloured hair he fell in love with.

2) They could no longer eat every meal picnic-style. Eww, tables and chairs. Unromantic much.

3) Sam discovered Blake’s six-a-day protein shake habit. Those guns weren’t stick-ons from the prop department.

4) There are no teleprompters in real life. Must form sentences. Blake’s brain explodes.

5) They make love for the first time. Sam calls out Osher’s name.

6) Lisa may have had a fake Noosa home, but Sam had a fake FAMILY. Boom.

7) There are not so many opportunities for Blake to take off his shirt in real life. It all ends when he refuses to take it off while they’re out for breakfast.

8) The couple go on a date night and Blake picks up Sam in a Toyota. Not a helicopter. WTF.

9) Blake finds out Sam works at Harry’s Café de Wheels and LIVES in a dirty street pie.