Fashion

I dressed like the Spice Girls for a week to see what would actually happen

And the results were kinda liberating.

By Natasha Harding
The Spice Girls

It’s been 20 years since The Spice Girls strutted their way into our lives, bringing with them some banger toons, Girl Power vibes and their signature zig-a-zig-ah.

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Now we’re all grown up and taking ourselves a little too-seriously (let’s be honest), so what better time than to re-visit our nostalgic '90s roots? Answer: None. It’s a fantastic idea. So that’s exactly what happened.

Here's everything you can expect when you literally spice up your life and dress like The Spice Girls for a week.

What I Did:

I dressed up as each member of the OG squad (Baby, Sporty, Scary, Posh and Ginger), every day for a week, because I’m a fashion writer and I can get away with a lot of shit, all in the name of far-shun. So it's kind of a social responsibility to make yourself look like a total knob and report back on the results.

Why The Eff I Agreed

For starters, I’d like to say I was strong-armed into doing this entire project by my editor who threatened to fire me should I refuse. But that would be a filthy lie. The truth is I came up with the idea myself and, if you pitch it, you should probs do it.

Monday: Baby Spice

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Monday was Baby Spice. With her knee-high white socks, school-girl pigtails and signature lollipop, dressing up as Emma Bunton always sounded fun and childish. In reality, it was mostly character building.

A word of warning: No matter what you do, sucking on a lollipop when you’re a gal in your mid-twenties will look strangely phallic and like something straight out of a bad porno. But the strangest part was the fact that nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary. Nobody.

Now before you ask, no, I don’t wear this kind of stuff on a regular basis. In fact, I can say with some confidence that I haven't had my hair in ponytails since my year eight dance concert. But I digress.

So I went about my normal day with people saying things like, 'oh, you look cute today', to which I found myself repeatedly explaining that I was wearing my outfit for a story, rather than to push the boundaries of 'acceptable' office attire.

Tuesday: Sporty Spice

Day two, Sporty entered the scene. Growing up as a MAJOR tomboy, Sporty was deffs my favourite of the gals. She's fit, badass and got some killer attitude - what's not to love?

Her athletic aesthetic is arguably less conspicuous, meaning I could pretend I was on my way to, or just returning from, the gym. The main difference was Sporty's workout gear was wayyyyy more retro, with a super short midriff top, low-rise boxer shorts, an Adidas tracksuit top and that 'no fucks given' high pony.

In short, I looked like a poor man's version of Bella Hadid, who is single-handedly trying to bring back '90s fashion at the moment. Only, imagine Bella without the swag. Or the chic hair and makeup. Oh, and minus the nice clothes and fit AF Victoria's Secret bod. Yep, now you're starting to get a little closer to what I looked like.

Wednesday: Scary Spice

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Fact: Having a morning meeting at a fashion PR with your hair tied in two front buns and the rest of your head teased so damn much it passes for matted, is kinda awks. Add on a leopard print dress and their reaction will be priceless. Trust me.

By this point in the week, the novelty of explaining my increasingly ridic outfits was 'for a story' had worn off and I was convinced this would be the last time I'd give the spiel. With the awkward introductions out of the way, the meeting continued almost like normal, with the occasional judgmental glance which screamed 'you're fkn cooked, gurl', but they were kind enough to stop themselves from vocalising it.

As you walk through the city, you're very aware that everyone is looking at you, and not in a good way. But if there's nothing you can do about it (other than make some semi-possessed eye contact in return for the lols), you start to hold you head high and give the h8rs something to look at.

Thursday: Posh Spice

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Being #blessed with a resting bitch face, I found Posh Spice was the easiest of the bunch. This was also the only outfit I didn’t have to buy anything for (Yay! I think?).

Sure, it was a regular LBD with standard strappy heels but styling your hair poker straight made the whole thing feel retro AF. Add on top of that the fact that this was by FAR the most impractical outfit to work in, and I'm starting to understand why Posh looked so frekkin' miserable all the damn time.

By day four I was so over explaining the personal passion project so I stopped and let people think whatever the hell they wanted. In case you're wondering, the main takeaway from randoms on the street was that I was a lost rich kid blogger who gave zero fucks about the real world or anyone in it. So, mission accomplished.

Friday: Ginger Spice

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Ginger's Union Jack dress is undeniably the most recognisable outfit of all, and by Friday I was ready for it.

Apart from making me acutely aware that, compared to Geri Halliwell, my chest is flat as a pancake, this outfit practically screamed 'TGIF' (or maybe that was just me).

Fun fact: Guys also seem to notice you a HELLUVA lot more when you’re wearing red lipstick. Sounds stupid and kinda obvious but, if you never normally wear lippy (like me), try it for one day and see what happens.

With one hectic week down, that first Friday night cider was undoubtedly earnt.

What I Found

By the end of the week I couldn’t WAIT to be in my own clothes again. The first day back to normality I went for my grungiest t-shirt and jeans combo and loved every second of it. But, on a more serious note, it reminded me to have fun with clothes again, and to take the piss out of myself on the reg 'cause YOLO.

TLDR: 5 Things You Learn About Being The Spice Girls

  1. Nobody gives a shit about what you wear, apart from you.
  2. In fact, people rarely even notice what you wear.
  3. Your co-workers think you're pretty weird already, even if you don't think it. The test? Dress up looking like a complete lunatic and, if nobody bats an eyelid, they know you're low-key cray.
  4. Pigtails should never, under any circumstance, be brought back into fashion. Like, ever.
  5. Life’s too short to GAF about what people think, so don't even bother wasting your time and energy on it.

With that said and done, the only thing left to do is find out which gal is your spirit animal so you can get your very own costume ready: