Lifestyle

10 things Facebook is neither the time nor the place for

You can take your bitter breakups, your run maps, and your superfoods elsewhere, thanks very much.

By Catriona Harvey-Jenner
Facebook is not the time or place for these things

1. Extravagant declarations of love. One oversize, pulsating heart on your other half's Facebook wall is one oversize, pulsating heart too many. Save it for the bedroom, yeah?

2. Declarations that you're doing absolutely nothing interesting. "Chillin' on the sofa with my bbz." OH MY GOD, HAS ANYONE EVER DONE THAT BEFORE?!

3. Small-talk. "What time are you coming over tonight?" = texting territory.

4. Bitching about your work colleagues/boss. Always awkward when you realize that private account of yours wasn't so private after the sack.

5. Ultrasounds. Congratulations, you made a human and it's currently cooking in your belly. But you wouldn't put the pictures from your colonoscopy on your Facebook profile, would you? So remind me why the world must see your uterus?

6. Passive-aggressiveness. "It really pisses me off when people you thought were your friends are completely two-faced and stab you in the back. You know who you are." You may as well have tagged them in the thing now. Just give it up and text them.

7. Whether or not you went to the gym tonight. Let's face it. Your 300+ friends are your friends (or at least your vague acquaintances). They're not your personal trainers. So they probably don't care how many miles you ran on the treadmill this evening.

8. Superfood snaps. You're unlikely to post a picture of your "beige" meal made of chicken nuggets and potato waffles, are you? So stop making the rest of us feel bad for not being able to afford a diet full of chia seeds, freekeh, quinoa, and kale. CHEERS.

8. Superfood snaps. You're unlikely to post a picture of your "beige" meal made of chicken nuggets and potato waffles, are you? So stop making the rest of us feel bad for not being able to afford a diet full of chia seeds, freekeh, quinoa, and kale. CHEERS.

8. Superfood snaps. You're unlikely to post a picture of your "beige" meal made of chicken nuggets and potato waffles, are you? So stop making the rest of us feel bad for not being able to afford a diet full of chia seeds, freekeh, quinoa, and kale. CHEERS.

9. Updates on the weather. You may have aspirations to become the next Al Roker, but honestly, you don't need to tell everyone on your Facebook friend list that it's snowing outside. They can probably just look out the window.

10. Megalomania."If you're reading this, then well done! You made the friend cut." Well thank you, Hitler, Iamhonored.

But don't worry. There are still a load of things Facebookisthe time and place for. Namely:

  • Humble brags about your generally great life.
  • Comedy gold statuses.
  • Instagram pictures of brunch.
  • Officiating relationships .
  • Regularly stalking people you no longer associate with in real life.