13 things that happen at every high school reunion

Is there anything more cringeworthy? Probs not.

By Lauren Smelcher

  1. A Facebook page dedicated to the big night will be set up approximately one year out. People will be very excited. Promises of attendance will be made. You roll your eyes and think, ‘No way am I going back to that hellhole.’

  1. Then all your friends (all three of them who you still know from high school, that is) tell you that they’re going. Fine.
    1. You get a spray tan because why not. Also you put on a face mask. And maybe get a blowdry. Then you carefully select the perfect ‘grown-up-but-still-super-sexual-damn-don’t-you-wish-you-had-have-hit-that-while-you-had-the-chance’ outfit.

  1. You walk in. Nobody has name tags on. Why? It’s been ten years. You remember approximately five people’s names and spend the rest of the night calling people “babe.”

  1. There’s an open bar serving Fruitylexia. Thank God.

  1. After two glasses of wine, you spot your high school nemesis. She kisses you on both cheeks and tells you she loves your outfit.

  1. The cute guy you always had a sort-of crush on turned out to be a bit of a loser...

  1. Some guy who moved to London (for a year) comes to talk to you. He has acquired a British accent and an unparalleled sense of his own importance in the scheme of your life.

  1. A couple who got together at the Year 10 formal tell you all about their kids. All three of them. You have no idea what to say to that.

  1. You spot two people who, to your knowledge, never spoke during school, making out like it’s their last day on earth in the bathrooms.

  1. You spend ten very fun minutes chatting to a guy who you vaguely remember as being a massive nerd but that can’t be right because he is so sweet and he remembered your mum’s first name and Google wants to buy his start-up for approximately $12 bajillion dollars.

  1. By 10pm the bar tab has run out and everyone except you and your three friends are drunkenly dancing.

  1. You head home, a little tipsy, a lot hungry (canapés are not dinner, people) but mainly happy that your life choices thus far have been validated.