Lifestyle

18 things you know if you worked at McDonald's in Australia

Freezer makeout sessions FTW

By Lauren Sams
18 things you know if you worked at McDonald's

It's a time-honoured teenage tradition - a unique blend of hell on earth (working the dining room shift - kill me now) and brief glimpses of joy (half-price meals on your break!). Here, 18 things you'll know if you've ever worn the Golden Arches.

1. You've heard the joke, "these hotcakes are selling like... hotcakes" approximately nine billion times. You may have even cracked it yourself once or twice. Still, you never need to hear it again.

2. Perfecting your soft serve cone game was a true #lifegoal. #twoandahalfswirls

3. You still speak fluent Macca's. A "grill" is not an appliance on which to make burgers, it's a customised order (in a sentence: "Where's my effing grill? The customer ordered it ten minutes ago and now they're going fcking mental.") A burger is wrapped in a collar (in a sentence: "How many collars do you think we can make while drive-thru's not busy?" - your manager, every time drive-thru wasn't busy.) And the fry dispenser? That's Archy. (In a sentence: "Fcking Archy is stuck again. Your turn.")

4. If life has taught you but one lesson, it's this: you should always, ALWAYS double-line a bin.

5. Fact: there is a window (PUN INTENDED) of about 25 minutes in the afternoon when the sun is so bright and hot that you feel you will melt faster than an unattended McFlurry if you stay in drive-thru.

6. You've absolutely made out with someone in the freezer. Why not? This is McDonald's, not Vogue.

7. Sometimes the Happy Meal toys were pretty dope. And sometimes you wanted to steal them. And sometimes you did. What're you gonna do about it, Ronald?

8. To say scooping cold, solid pig's fat into the deep fryer was a low point would be a real understatement.

9. When a cute guy came through drive-thru, you'd add "1 x honey" to his order so your mates at the other end could be prepared for the hotness that awaited them.

10. Five minutes before closing, you'd make a fresh vat of nuggets/fries/whatever took your fancy, for the post-close clean-up party.

11. You just LOVED it when a group of drunk kids from your school came in.

12. Being yelled at by your 25-year-old manager, who still lived at home, was super-excited about the upcoming Nickelback concert and had dropped out of uni in favour of "the school of life" was bearable only because you knew this: you would never be him.

13. And when you eventually became a manager (PART-TIME! YOU WERE AT UNI! IT WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT!) you promised to only use your power for good, by giving all your mates the "police discount" of 10 per cent.

14. Fact: those burgers are never going to look the way they do on the ads.

Image via The Checkout, abc.net.au

15. All you ever wanted in life was to host the kids' birthday parties (AKA hang out unsupervised and eat ice cream cake)... until you were finally promoted and on your first day, seven kids peed on you like it was NBD.

16. No matter how short your stint was, you'll always remember weird, useless trivia from your time at McDonald's. Those potatoes used in the fries? They're Tasmanian Russet Burbanks, FYI.

17. Chokos in the apple pies. Pig's fat in the soft serve. No discernible traces of fish in the Filet-O-Fish. You've heard it all, and TBH, you couldn't give a shit.

18. You remain scarred by that training video about the dangers of undercooked meat, and as a consequence, sadly continue to grill every piece of meat to an incredibly unpalatable crisp.