Ugh. Archie Andrews.
While I'm sure KJ Apa, the actor who plays Archie on Riverdale, is a stand-up guy, his character is the human equivalent of nails going down a chalkboard — annoying and unnecessary.
During my time binge-watching the show from start to finish, I spent the majority of it waiting for Archie to go away so I could direct my attention to FP Jones (daddy) and Jughead (daddy-in-the-making).
TBH, I thought we all felt this way about annoying, woe-is-me Archie and his fckboy ways. That is, until I typed 'Riverdale' into Google.
As I soon learned, there's a lot of Riverdale commentary out there on the World Wide Web and a good portion of it is written by Archie fans. There's even people out there who dislike Jughead — heck, they've even written for this very site! (Gasps internally.)
If you're one of the aforementioned Archie fans, I hate to break it to you, but you are wrong. So, so wrong. Here are 10 reasons why:
1. Remember when he banged his teacher, Miss Grundy?
Archie started hooking up with his music teacher, Miss Grundy, very early on so it's easy to forget this one. However, let's loop back around to the start, shall we?
Archie and Miss Grundy heard gunshots related to Jason Blossom's murder while they were makin' out in the park — and failed to report it because of the whole statutory rape thing. In the end, Archie did talk to the police but only after he was blackmailed by his friends. What a guy.
2. He gave zero fcks about Miss Grundy when she died.
Not. One. Fck.
3. That time he thought he was a musician.
Just because you picked up a guitar one summer doesn't make you a musician, Red. No one wants to hear you play. Sorry.
4. Archie literally couldn't care less about his dad if he tried.
Let's be real — apart from FP and Jughead, the real MVP of the show is Fred Andrews. Someone should let Archie know though, because he literally couldn't give less of a f*ck about his dad if he tried.
Case in point: When he accepted a car from the Lodges despite the fact Fred had been working hard to buy Archie an old car they could fix up together. (He eventually gave the car back, but still!)
Speaking of the Lodges, let's not forget about season two, episode 15 when Archie pledged loyalty to Hiram and his family, choosing a bunch of CRIMINALS over his dear ol' dad. Cute.
Last but not least, Archie didn't join Fred on stage when he announced he was running for mayor. Fred was so disappointed. :(((
5. He literally text Betty the phrase, "Hey, you up?"
Textbook fckboy behaviour.
6. He broke up the Pussycats.
The Pussycats were completely fine until Archie got involved. Then, Archie started dating Val and things went downhill from there. During rehearsals for the Variety Show, Val quit The Pussycats to team up with Archie instead. Eyeroll. Thank god she made her way back.
7. In season one, he screwed with Betty no end.
First, they were neighbours-slash-best friends and she had a crush on him. Archie then rejected Betty. (His loss!) THEN, he made out with Veronica while Betty was at the same party. Like I said — fckboy.
8. In season two, he screwed with Betty no end.
While Betty and Jughead (<33 love them) were on a break in season two, episode nine, Archie took the opportunity to fck with his childhood friend once again. After Betty heard some hectic news about her grandfather, she and Archie shared a kiss outside Thistle House (with Cheryl watching).
9. He started a vigilante gang for christ's sake.
Nothin' but a bunch of teenage boys struggling to control their raging hormones, if you ask me.
10. He's not even a real red head!(!!!)
Not even close.
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