If you don't know who the eff Kayla Itsines is, you must have been living under a rock - or aren't one of the suckers in my life who has to listen to me bang on and on about her ALL THE TIME (sorry friends).
Anyway, she's a qualified trainer from Adelaide who studied at the Australian Institute of Fitness... Oh, and she has a tiny 1.8 million Instagram followers (@kayla_itsines). Whatevs. When are you going to be successful already, Kayla?
Why am I obsessed with her? Well you see, I have a wedding coming up and like every good bridezilla I figure I need to be the hottest anyone has ever been ever in existence on that day. Logical, I know.
So when I came across her on Instagram, it was like she was a guardian angel sent from Nike. She's her own best advertisement (those abs, though). But as an office worker it appeals to me that her workouts are only 28 minutes three times a week - and I can still eat carbs. Hallelujah. SO I bought BOTH her eBooks on the spot.
Just as a disclaimer, I'm not one to jump into fitness fads or go on diets. I'm also very wary of "before and after" pics as they have been known to sometimes be fake and/or used in misleading ways by dodgy companies.
But my instincts tell me Kayla's workout plans are incredibly healthy and the pics Kayla regrams of her clients are positive and motivating for young women to change their lives long-term. I love her focus on strength, confidence and health.
Fast forward 12 weeks and I DID IT. Holy Batman, it was hard but it was the best thing I've ever done. And I will keep doing it long after my wedding. Forever. It's that good.
The part where I posted my before-and-after pics (they're on my Instagram @themountainmummy) was mother f*cking scary. But I got lots of clapping emojis, so all good.
Then I started it all over again cos I'm crazy like that. For everyone else joining in #thekaylamovement, you might relate to this.
The 10 thoughts that crossed my mind in the first week of workouts (when I wasn’t in the fetal position crying)...
- I'm taking the most unsexy selfie right now
If anyone ever finds these "before" shots in my phone… they will not live to tell the tale.
- I don't know how to do it?
Wait, so I do each bunch of moves for seven minutes? Twice? In what order? What's a medicine ball? Brain explodes.
- Learning is good
Watches 10 million fitness videos on Instagram So mountain climbers are meant to be like running with your hands on the ground? WHOA.
- Sooo unfit
Can't. Breathe. I'll just have a… little…. break… now…. to… catch… my… breath.
- Don't throw up, don't throw up
Whoever invented burpees is EVIL. Kayla is evil. I would cry but you wouldn't notice it through the WATERFALL OF SWEAT DRIPPING ALL OVER THE MAT.
- Tired. So tired.
Thank eff that's finished. I might just lie here for a few minutes… I'm meditating. Really.
- Then the next day…OUCH
Standing hurts. Sitting hurts. My legs are broken. I literally need those handles in disabled bathrooms to get onto the toilet.
- Is it working yet?
I've been doing the workouts for three days. When do I get the abs?
- What is foam rolling?
I don't know what it is, but Kayla posed with a foam roller so I must need one. Ordering now…
- Is it over yet?
You mean to tell me that was just ONE WEEK? I can't do this, I won't do this. Goes and looks at Kayla's abs for half an hour OK, let's do this. Posts a motivational quote on Instagram.
What do you think of Kayla's workouts? Tell me in the comments. WOO.