The instagram-ments

Take heed – for these are the 10 commandments you shall Instagram by (if you don’t want to look like a douche, that is)…

Thou shalt show some selfie control: Translation: The occasional one? Fine. Constantly posting selfies like you’re the long-lost Kardashian sister? Not cool.

Thou shalt not brag about thy caffeinated drink: Translation: We’ve all had a coffee before – we know what they look like. Unless the barista has etched a Mona Lisa into the froth with some cinnamon, no one cares.

Thou shalt not post a stupendous score of images in succession: Translation: Uploading 14 images of the same outing in a row will get you un-followed faster than a really fast car.

Thou shalt not hashtag more than thrice per pic: Translation: Ladybros, keep it cool with the hashtags. More than three on a post and it #just #gets #kind #of #annoying. See?

Thou shalt not steal: Translation: Applying a different filter does not make an image your own.

Thou shalt acknowledge the nature of the beast: Translation: It’s Insta*gram for a reason. Posting pics of last month’s hair or last year’s holiday is what Facebook’s for.

Thou shalt post only one #catsofinstagram picture per day: Translation: Cute pets are adorable. Now and again.

Thou shalt not demean thyself for more disciples: Translation: If you start begging for follow-backs or likes in comments or on your profile, it kind of makes you look like an angsty Taylor Swift song come to life. Just be cool, man – just be cool.

Thou shalt not post foul images: Translation: It’s as if they canned Modern Family – nobody wants a bar of that.

Thou shalt keep food porn to a minimum: Translation: Junk or gourmet, save the digestibles for your colon.