The rules of World Cup sex

Hoping for a roll in the hay with French forward Olivier Giroud? It’s a little more complicated than that.

Much like Ron Burgundy, the World Cup is kind of a big deal. Countries from all over the world compete for the prestigious trophy, and all the glory that comes with it, and the host country Brazil reportedly spent $11 billion on the event.

So you get where they’re coming from when the World Cup coaches feel the need to enforce strict rules on their players. Rules that sometimes stipulate when, what type and how vigorously a player can have sex, included.

Data has just been collated showing the bedroom antics (or lack of) each player engages in. While some teams – Australia included – have their coach’s permission to go for it, others are on a strict ban – that means you Bosnia and Herzegovina. Then there’s countries like France and Brazil, who have to follow a rather complicated set of rules if they want to get any action off the field.

Players from Costa Rica aren’t allowed to have sex until the second stage of the competition, while Nigerian players can sleep with their wives, but not their girlfriends. They may be on home turf, but that doesn’t stop the Brazilians following the rules too – they’re only allowed to have sex if it’s not ‘acrobatic’. Err, right then…

Some of the players from France – mega babe Olivier Giroud included – have been at the centre of bedroom scandals in recent months, but their coach doesn’t think they should be going without altogether. Their rules are dependent on frequency, type and length (the former team doctor believed sex was relaxing for players, but shouldn’t carry on all night). We’re picturing players’ texting their coach at 11:30pm, asking for permission to go at it. Cringe.

So if you’ve travelled all the way to Brazil in the hope of landing yourself a night with a football superstar, we’d suggest you choose wisely. And if it’s the night before a big match, don’t bother with the Germans or Spaniards.