Lifestyle

25 things Scots living in 'Straya know to be true

“Whereabouts in Ireland are you from?” NO.

By Lorna Gray

1. As much as we dig the ancestral links, how can every single Aussie have a piece of Scottish lineage? “Oh, I’m a quarter Scottish.” “My great-grandfather’s Scottish.” “My second cousin’s cousin is Scottish.” “My aunt’s goat is Scottish twice removed.”

2. You thought blood-sucking midgies were bad. Until mozzies butchered your entire body like a god darn piece of meat.

3. You’ve lost count of the times taxi drivers/colleagues/acquaintances/randoms on a night out have asked you about Braveheart.

4. And yes, we know Mel Gibson is Australian.

5. And no, we will not shout ‘FREEDOM!’

6. Unless we’re wasted, then you will NEVER take our FRRRRRRREEEEEEDOM. Roll those r's.

7. Speaking of 'freedom', “No I didn’t get to vote in the referendum because, as you can see, I am in Australia.” “And yes, I also believe it was mightily unfair that Scots living out of Scotland couldn’t vote.”

8. Whispers You secretly find Scottish people trying to do the Aussie accent and saying “G’day mate” just as annoying as Aussies trying to do the Scottish and saying “Och aye the noo.”

9. You've experienced the unequivocal joy of stumbling across a can of Irn Bru in the ‘International Foods’ aisle in Coles.

10. But srsly though, how good is Irn Bru?!

11. People make a LOT of jokes about your Scottish skin. Because, sunshine.

12. But admit it, you learned the hard way this isn’t actually a cliché. Lather up, gurl.

13. When someone at work said they were “spewing”, you were concerned they were quite unwell. You did not get this meant they were very angry.

14. Likewise, when you say you’re “steaming,” people mistake you for being angry, when really, you're just wasted drunk – weeeeeey! woooooo! yeeeeeoooo! And so forth.

15. As much as your family wants you to meet a hunky surfer called Brad, you secretly fear for your future children’s messed-up accents.

16. “Whereabouts in Ireland are you from?” All day, erryday… We sound NOTHING LIKE our Irish comrades… do we?

Case in point: The godawful piece of ear pollution that was legitimate Scotsperson Gerard Butler’s attempt at an Irish accent. P.S. I Love You anyone?!

17. Whenever it drops below (shock horror!) 20 degrees: “You’ll be used to this weather, won’t you?”

18. But when the rain gets really bad and the Aussies lose their sh!t, you definitely feel a bit like:

19. Sometimes being a 'pure wideo' gets you in trouble. Turns out people can take your shady sense of humour the wrong way. But you don’t really mean it, honest.

20. Don’t even pretend you don’t love the two common denominators between you and the Aussies: the ‘c’ word and boozing. #TRUTH.

21. It’s genuinely a bit upsetting that Rabbie Burns' night is the night before Australia Day. Can’t we work on combining the two, lads?

22. You’ve wondered aloud which is the lesser of two evils: Goon or buckfast tonic wine.

23. You’ve become a little swinedog on Facebook, facebragging is your forte now.

24. You know the Aussies would totally get onboard with tattie scones, square sausage and pakora. But you’re not enterprising enough to do anything about it. Welp.

25. At the end of it all, Australia and its awesomeness has wrecked you for life. No matter where you end up, you'll take a little bit of 'Straya with you in your heart. <3