Lifestyle

20 things you'll only understand if you watched 'The Hills'

Oh, how we miss the days of Justin Bobby and Spencer's crystals.

By Jonah Waterhouse

Ah, The Hills. A staple of our lives pre-2010 (or after that, if you're constantly 2000s-nostalgic like I am), where we followed the privileged, often mindless lives of Lauren, Whitney, Heidi and Audrina for reasons that we're still not really aware of ourselves. Here are 20 things you'll only understand if you're an OG Hills fan like we are.

1. You literally screamed your lungs out to the lyrics of Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" when it came on at the start. Wow, that was a bop.

2. You also wanted to scream your lungs out when Heidi immediately left Lauren at college in Season 1 for her new job at Bolthouse, only to find out that she'd actually have to work at that job. God forbid.

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3. You absolutely lost it when Lauren and Whitney arrived at their first day for their 'internship' at Teen Vogue, only to be re-dressed by the Teen Vogue staff. Cue the iconic 'it's a little matchy matchy' line.

4. You also lost it when Heidi, Audrina and the squad forced themselves into the Young Hollywood Party in the first episode...

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...which resulted in Lauren getting told off by Lisa Love. Why, why, why was Heidi such a MESS.

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5. You absolutely lived for every mid-2000s ensemble that the cast (notably Lauren) wore, and cringe at the fact that you once aspired to dress the same.

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6. You had a bad feeling about Spencer as soon as he started dating Heidi — everyone knew that this would be terrible news for all involved.

7. You wanted Heidi's mother, Darlene, to be YOUR mother. Darlene was literally a ray of light in a dark, white privileged, drama-filled world. You also lived for how Darlene didn't once fall for Spencer's BS.

8. You LIVED for the drama when Heidi, Lauren and Spencer faced off in THE most major shitshow of the 2000s; the confrontation about Lauren's 'Sex Tape' rumour.

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9. You're constantly wondering the whereabouts of the rest of the cast, like Justin Bobby, Stacie the Bartender, Jen Bunney (pre- and post- alleged nose job) and Heidi's ex Jordan. You also wonder what happened to Heidi's Chihuahua Bella, who disappeared after Season 1. We don't want to be negative, but we genuinely do fear for Bella's welfare.

10. You also wonder a lot about what happened to Heidi's alcohol addiction-plagued sister, Holly. Well, fret not — she's alive, sober, and raising ADORABLE babies (yes, we found her Instagram).

11. You worried heavily for Spencer's sanity when he started going through his crystal phase in order to calm himself. It really, really didn't work.

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12. You knew that, as much of a douchebag as Justin Bobby was, he and Audrina were meant to be together. You also supported J-Bob and Audrina throughout all of their (many) relationship dramas, even though he was never good for her. Cry.

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13. You also have literally no clue why Justin Bobby had such a problem with Lauren and Lo calling him Justin Bobby. Like, at least they weren't roasting him about the fact that he was probably THE worst boyfriend and influence ever, aside from Spencer.

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14. You found yourself warming to Stephanie, but only after a couple of seasons of her acting like a complete fool and mentioning her DUI way too much. She and Spencer had THE most dysfunctional sibling relationship ever — but it would be hard to get along with any sibling who acted like this:

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15. You cried when Lauren left, but were also equally excited when Kristen Cavallari swooped in to take LC's place. The drama was everything.

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16. You also cried when Heidi went home to visit her family for the first time after her surgeries in Season 6 — that shit was deep.

17. You wished Whitney had more storylines because she was the sweetest of the bunch, but instead she became just an addition to Lauren by being forced to listen to the neverending DRAMA. At least she eventually got The City.

18. You've witnessed this video of Audrina's drunken mother conversing with paparazzi, which probably takes the cake as THE most iconic paparazzi video of all time.

19. You still keep tabs on all the stars and what they're up to today, and probably know that Justin Bobby is now playing in a band, Whitney has a YouTube channel dedicated to her baby, Lo apparently became a spokeswoman for Chobani Yoghurt (wut), and Lauren is, well, still being the exact same gorgeous Lauren that we remember.

20. And, finally, you know that the entire show was the fakest thing EVER — but that doesn't stop you from binge-watching it again, and again (with wine).

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  • Author: Jonah Waterhouse