There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who live a carefree, unburdened, clear-sighted existence. And those who wear contact lenses.
For the latter, nothing is guaranteed. Every day begins with the threat of an infection, a temporary loss of vision or the dreaded dry eye.
Really, us contact lens wearers live life by the seat of our pants.
If you're visually challenged and reliant on those pesky plastic discs, you will have experienced at least one, if not all, of the following. I salute you.
If you work in a computer-facing job, come 5.30pm your eyes feel like they’re bleeding.
Friends asking “OMG you’re wearing contacts? Reckon I can see them in your eyes?"
"OMG I can. GROSS."
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You’re okay with just touching your eyeballs whenever. It’s cool.
Whenever you’re putting them in it’s like a miraculous indoor wind springs up out of nowhere and they’re flying all over the place except into your eye.
The very alarming sensation of having a contact split in half in your eye.
Double the contact, half the vision.
Your eyes get so bloodshot people ask if you've been smoking weed.
You cbf putting them in the bin so you leave them all over the place.
And then your significant other finds them attached to their body hair. You're welcome.
Early in your contact-wearing life, you considered the possibility one of them had rolled back into your head.
You’ve considered taking a second job to pay for your monthly fix. Those Dailies are no joke.
When one of your eyes just randomly starts weeping and people ask if you’re okay and you defensively insist you’re NOT CRYING.
You’ve been so tired/drunk/lazy you’ve just taken them out in bed without a mirror.
Don't tell my optometrist.
You have an irrational fear of swimming in lakes or ponds because your optometrist told you you’d get FLESH-EATING BACTERIA IN YOUR EYEBALLS.
Accidentally rubbing your eyes really hard and losing one of your contacts for like 3 minutes.
You definitely don’t relate to that woman who lost 27 lenses in her eyes but… Jesus… maybe you do?
Carrying eye drops with you at all times is more important that tampons or gum. Trust.
People insist on telling you that you look soooo different with glasses on instead of contacts.
Yeah, that'd be the giant plastic frames on my face, genius.
Your contacts get so sticky towards the end of the day that you can literally *hear* yourself blinking.
Getting so frustrated with your contact struggles you consider booking laser eye surgery...
...But then you Google the cost and remember that Newlyweds episode where Jessica Simpson got it done and you're like 'lol no thanks'.
Closing one eye at a time to soothe your sticky, sticky contacts.
You know what cup vs saucer means, no context needed.
You’ve lost a contact while out and about and had to ask a friend to take you by the arm and guide you.
And then there was that one time when you forgot to take your contacts out before bed, woke up and, operating on auto-pilot, put in a second pair on top of them and wondered why everything was all magnified and weird.
No? Just me? Ok, cool.