Love

Are you in a successful relationship?

Human behavioural expert Dr John Demartini gives us the key signs of a successful relationship and answers our question- how important is sex?

Consider Dr Demartini as the ever rational girlfriend who's your first stop for when you need relationship advice . Only that rational girlfriend is one of the world's leading authorities on human behaviour and personal development, and is the bestselling author of 40 books in 28 languages. We asked him for key points to some of the niggling relationship questions we've been itching to have answered.

What are some of the signs you're in a successful relationship?

There are many but the top ones are:

  • You feel you are fulfilling what is truly most important to your life while interacting and relating to your partner.
  • You feel inspired to share time and space with the partner you also feel love for.
  • You love being in your partner's presence and conversing with them about your and their dreams.
  • You embrace both sides of your partner's character and see how both of them serve your ultimate objectives.
  • You feel you partner's presence regardless of where and when they are in space and time.
  • You feel grateful, loving, enthusiastic and inspired feelings when you think or talk about them.

What are some of the biggest causes of relationship conflict?

Things to keep in mind:

  • Miscommunication - alternating monologues instead of communicative dialogues.
  • Unrealistic expectations projected onto each other to live in each other's values.
  • Comparing your partner to delusions or fantasies that they will not be able to live up to.
  • Assumptions about your partners that is not grounded in reality.
  • Not dissolving conflicts as they arise and letting them accumulate beyond the capacity to dissolve.

What are your tips for a successful relationship?

  • Honour each other's highest values/priorities.
  • Communicate in each other's highest values/priorities.
  • Love them for who they truly are - their true identity will be an expression of their highest value.
  • Schedule quality and quantity time with them.
  • Express any hidden agendas and put them on the communication or negotiation table.

How you been surprised by anything during your relationship research?

Yes- some of the things are:

  • How often one of the partners expect their other partner to live in the former's values.
  • How many unrealistic expectations partners project onto each other.
  • How often people compare their partners to Hollywood or storybook fantasies or previous relationships.
  • How often people project their past emotional baggage onto their partners.
  • How often people are addicted to being always supported and never challenged even though whole relationships require a balance of both.

How important is sex in a relationship?

In most relationships adequate sex is just as important as adequate money. It can be expressed in many ways - cuddling, holding hands, kissing, petting, intercourse, massage, dancing, conversations, creativity. The very nature of the complementary opposite sexes draws people together for the purpose of an inner sexual alchemy. Loving sexual intimacy and bonding with its neurochemistry allows the two partners to feel connected and envision longer futures together.

Can everyone be sexually magnetic?

Absolutely! Since sexuality is in the eye, ear and hand of the beholder many traits can be a sexual turn on - Sexy looks, Sex walks, Sex voices, Sexy manners or movements, Intelligence, Wit, Humour, Wealth, Achievements, Social power, Daringness…

By identifying and listing the many sexually magnetic traits that you presently have you help others recognize and be drawn to the same. When you value your sexual magnetism so do others.

By caring enough to determine what is most important to your mate and helping them fulfil it you add to your sexual magnetism.

Dr Demartini's Heart of Love offers step by step instructions on how to unlock your relationship potential. For more information head here.