You asked us: “How much time is too much when it comes to seeing my boyfriend?” And we're happy to help...
The time you spend with your partner varies for every couple. And it’s also different depending on how long you’ve been together. I’d say, in the first six months, ensure you have a few days to yourself per week. Then, once you’re comfortable with your new man, you can slowly start sharing more of your life with him. This is a precaution so that you don’t slip into a habit of letting your life revolve around him; cause you to forget who you are and what’s important to you.
The start of a relationship is when you’re setting up the dynamic of how the two of you work as a couple. You have your own interests now and they’ll never go away, so don’t neglect them. Nourish them and let him know what is important to you. If you overdo it too soon by spending all of your time with him, you risk losing yourself. Granted, the first couple of months or so is the time when you’re still in the honeymoon phase and passion-levels are high, but it’s also the time when you get to know one another and build the relationships’ foundation. How is he supposed to get to know who you really are if you drop all of your interests to be with him? Spend lots of time indulging in the exciting start of your relationship, but don’t forget to make time for yourself and your friends. After all, that was the person he was interested in in the first place.
And your mates are a huge deal now. If they’re good people who want what’s best for you (this doesn’t apply to frenemies) then ensure you make time for them. Don’t just cancel plans because you’d rather stay in and have sex. I know you probably won’t want to leave your love shack to go clubbing with them, but friendships are mutual, so sometimes you have to go out of your way to keep them. Trust me, they’re a support network, and they’ll be there to listen should you and your guy fight, or, horror of horrors – break-up.
And, please don’t take this to mean that your guy should come along to all the girls’ gatherings. Yes, 50 percent of the time this is a great idea, you want your friends to love your boy. But keep in mind that your mates signed up for you, not your beau. They might think he’s lovely – they think a lot of people are lovely – but that doesn’t mean they want to see him every weekend. Don’t strain the friendship by forcing him on them.
I’m a huge believer in maintaining individuality and independence in relationships. You can still spend 24/7 with your beau, but I’d definitely recommend waiting a while before you do this. The best couples are the ones who still live and breathe each other 10 years down the track. But you can’t force that level of companionship. It develops with time.
Finally, never underestimate the value of making him miss you. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder! Not to mention the sex drive. Craving a bit of passion? Go visit friends or family for a couple of weeks – when you come back, he’ll let you know how much he missed you. You can thank me later.