Love

The (dating) inquisition

We detail the questions you NEED to ask before you let him park his proverbial in your lady garage…

Ihave recently come across a disturbing phenomenon. Tom-Cruise-jumping-on-the-couch level unnerving. It began when a friend of mine found herself enamoured with a guy. However, shock of shocks, he was giving her mixed signals – he’d text, they’d catch up among friends, even make out like teenagers in a Twilight movie – but he had yet to ask her on a proper date. And then one night, one saucy thing led to another saucy thing, and they slept together.

Since she’d let him into her cave of wonders, I assumed that they’d had a D&M, decided they were officially warm and toasty for each other, and launched into a relationship, genitals first. Only it turns out they hadn’t done any such thing. She hadn’t asked him diddly squat about his signals.

Now, I’m aware we’re a sexually confident generation of ladyfolk, but something is amiss here. If you like the man, I implore you: make sure you quiz before the jizz!

That’s terribly crude, I know, but if it helps you to remember the mantra I’m all for it, because this is a non-negotiable rule. Firstly: because you respect yourself. And secondly: sex is an intimate thing. If you like a guy, you want to be sure he likes you – the you that doesn’t just comprise a place to park his lowrider. And, to continue that metaphor, that he deserves the car space.

Is he seeing other girls? Sleeping with other girls? Is he in fact chasing the Guinness World Record for most girls slept with in a single day? These are things you need to know.

Casual and single-use sex can be fun, certainly – so long as you’re doing it safely – but attachment is the nature of the beast. Don’t just hope bumping bits releases some manner of truth serum that turns him into Chatty McChattington after the event, à la the bad girl turned good in a James Bond film. No person’s sex organs are that revolutionary.

So please, interrogate the man. Gently make sure your burning queries have been quashed before you go ahead and make things more complicated by sleeping with him.

Are you worried he’s still in love with his ex? Concerned he’s about to move overseas? Questioning whether he’s just using you to get to your kick-ass lava lamp collection? Asking him about it won’t make him want to access your driveway any less – and it will put your mind at ease before you open the garage door and wave him in.

Remember: quiz before the jizz. Use it, work it, don’t leave home without it. Because you, and your proverbial carport, are totally worth it.