A little while ago I had a chat with a male dating coach (i.e. he is a male, but also he coaches men on how to date) James Maclane from Social Coach, and what an illuminating conversation we had. Here are six things I learnt...
1. Girls overestimate guys
“Girls don’t get how dumb we are! Women think guys notice they’re interested in them when they look over their shoulder and smile, but most guys don’t pick up on it. We can be great at business, great at footy... but pretty bloody simple when it comes to dating and romance.”
Lesson learnt: You think you’re being obvious. He thinks you’re smiling at the 500 other guys at the bar. Lightly touch him on his arm a few times. Or tell him you’d like to have his babies. That should give him a clue.
2. He IS hitting on you
“At least 95 percent of the time, if a guy goes out of his way to build a cold connection with you, he’s interested in you. There are a few exceptions, but most Australian men don’t have a great deal of courage when it comes to these things, so if a guy has initiated conversation, he has some interest.”
Lesson learnt: he likes you. Do with this information what you like.
3. A short first date is a good first date
“One trick I teach my clients is to have a short first date, like coffee, because lots of women object to sex on the first date. It’s not about getting her into bed, but you want to know if there’s a level of sexual chemistry with the girl before you go on two or three long dates.”
Lesson learnt: At first I was a bit pissed off about this - excuse me! I deserve dinner! -but I actually get where James is coming from and agree. Coffee is a low-investment, low-awkward date for you to both figure out if you want more.
4. Drunk sex = bad
“If a girl sleeps with a guy straight away when there’s alcohol involved, a guy probably isn’t going to look for anything serious with her.”
Lesson learnt: Fine to have sex on a first date (or any date if you wish), but if you want a boyfriend, this might not be the best way to go about it. I say might because you never know.
5. Sexual tension = good
“Listen, ask great questions and touch him on parts of the body that aren’t too intimate like the shoulder or on his leg. Then mix that up with eye contact, while leaving periods of silence almost to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. There’s so much sexual tension that comes from silent eye contact.”
Lesson learnt: Practise that silent stare in the mirror in case you get bitchy resting face or crazy eyes.
6. Give him a chance
“There are a lot of great guys who would make great boyfriends, they just don’t have the skills to impress a girl on those first few dates. Be a little forgiving and give the guy a few chances.”
Lesson learnt: The first time you used your GHD you probably weren’t very good at it, right? But after a few goes, you can’t imagine your life without it, yes? A guy is like your GHD. Give it a go and you might find he turns out to be the best thing to happen to you since Moroccan oil.