Love

Why I’ve turned on Tinder

Dating Harriet reveals why she’s over it. Deleted. See ya never, Tinder. Here’s why…

By Harriet Farkash
Tinder

For a few weeks now I’ve feeling a bit off Tinder but I couldn’t put my finger on why, until it dawned on me last weekend… It was Sunday arvo and I was hungover, so I went to my dad’s house to lie on his couch in my trackies with a bag of Cheese Supreme Doritos and watch Foxtel. For someone who doesn’t even have a TV, you can imagine how excited I was to have 86,000 channels in front of me.

Thought process:

The ‘What Does a Fox Say’ boys are on Ellen?! Oh I never knew they were Scandanavian. Interesting… [flick channel]

Oooh sharks! I want to watch this, but I’ll just quickly see what movie is on… [flick channel]

Oh yes, that’s right, I forgot they made a Babysitter’s Club movie. Stacey’s hair’s very shiny… Um, this is a bit boring, isn’t it? [flick channel]

Great! Wife Swap Australia. Holy s*t is that woman really going to live in a circus? Oh, no can’t keep watching to find out what happens, Toddlers & Tiaras* is about to start… [flick channel]

And it continued like that until I looked at my phone and realised I’d been channel surfing for FOUR hours. No more. Stop. My head was spinning.

And that’s when the penny dropped. This is exactly how I feel about Tinder. It’s the dating equivalent of Foxtel: too much choice. While at first this seems like a good thing it doesn’t take long to realise it has its downsides.

US psychologist Barry Schwartz has long argued that when we’re faced with too much choice, it can paralyse us into making no choice, cause us to make a bad choice, and even bring about depression.

He could’ve very easily been talking about Tinder. I have woken up on Sunday mornings to discover that I have made several “bad choices” the night before and in a champagne-induced “I just loooooove you” haze had obviously tapped the heart on total creeps. Like the guy whose profile picture is of his arms around a woman’s body, his hands strategically placed over her hoo-ha. Mr For-Life? I don’t think so. (Maybe for her, though. I wish them the best.)

At last count I was talking to 11 guys at once (and temporarily had an ego the size of Kanye’s), but I couldn’t remember which one was the primary school teacher, which one I’d told about moving house, or which one knew my friend Rose... I needed an excel spread sheet to keep track of them.

And anything that needs an excel spread sheet cannot be fun.

Nor can it be emotionally fulfilling.

In fact, Tinder was turning me into a player of sorts - I kept flicking through guys in case there was a better one a swipe of the X away. But can you blame me? It’s like being in a gelato shop, with so many amazing flavours in front of you, of course you want to try them all before you go back to your favourite. But the problem with that is, by the time you realise it’s your favourite, it’s probably run out.

In the end, I’ve gotten sick of it. I’ve done exactly what Dr Schwartz predicted and decided that having so many guys on my phone is too overwhelming and I’ve deleted my account. Yep it’s gone. I’m going back to the dating dark ages, starting with the bar this weekend. While I might not have as much choice there, I’ve decided that’s not necessarily such a bad thing.

After all, you only need one, but if cute guys keep popping up on your phone to distract you, you might miss him when he comes by.

But what do you think? Tweet me @HarrietFarkash, hashtag #DatingHarriet, and spill.