Celebrity

Apparently Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have split so get ready for the 'Brad & Jen' BS

Can we put the desperate, childless, Brad Pitt-hungry version of Jennifer Aniston to bed for good, please?

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are separating after two and a half years of marriage, according to a joint statement released by the pair.

The former couple - who have been together for seven years - say their split is a mutual decision and are only announcing it publicly to avoid any messy "gossip".

"Normally we would do this privately, but given that the gossip industry cannot resist an opportunity to speculate and invent, we wanted to convey the truth directly," says the statement released by longtime Aniston publicist Stephen Huvane. "Whatever else is printed about us that is not directly from us, is someone else's fictional narrative."

According to PEOPLE, the former couple -- who got married in a super secret wedding in 2015 -- have "spent quite a bit of time apart in recent months", with Justin mostly in New York City and Jen across in LA.

Admittedly, this is a celebrity breakup we didn't see coming but the narrative that's gonna likely play out in the tabloids in the coming weeks is something we feel we can predict with pinpoint accuracy.

Basically, it's all gonna be about Brad and Jen, AGAIN! And it's already started on Twitter:

But c'mon... let's look at the facts!

The facts are, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have been broken up for more than a decade. They wed in a lavish ceremony in September 1999 but by 2005, in the face of Brangelina rumours swirling, they announced their separation after five years of marriage. Still, after 12 years apart, no matter what Jennifer Anniston does, she's painted as 'Lonely Jen' pining after her ex, Brad Pitt.

And we're sure it's just not friggin' true! In fact Jen, who celebrated her 49th birthday earlier in the week (Feb. 11), has explain how untrue that gossip is on several occasions.

In a very candid interview with Vogue in 2008, Jen couldn't have made relations between herself and Brad seem more cordial.

About the only controversial thing Aniston said in that interview -- which some wanted to paint as catty AF -- was when she described Angie as "uncool" for talking about being in love with a married man in the press before he'd properly divorced his current wife. We know right, how bitchy and totally unreasonable of Jen to NOT be totes fine with someone bragging about an affair they had with her husband?!

In that same interview Aniston also proved again why that cheap, desperate woman caricature she so often gets just doesn't match with her IRL persona; she said she pretty much can't stand the SATC gals moaning about boys.

"I don't know. I don't…like…girls…whining…and complaining…about…wanting a man!," she said. "I never liked Sex and the City, the kind of thing where women only feel empowered once they find the Man. It is just not up my alley. I don't believe in it. There is nothing you can control about love."

Another distorted version of Aniston that's so often flouted in the press is her being painted as a barren spinster person; a woman almost deranged enough to tell random unnamed "sources" she's going to steal one of Brad's six kids he has with now-ex-wife, Angelina Jolie.

In fact, Jen's childlessness was held against her even after she was married again to Justin. Finally she addressed it in an essay for the Huffington Post where she commented on "how much we define a woman's value based on her marital and maternal status".

Here! Here!

And while Jen's breakup with Justin is v sad -- they couple's statement says they are "determined to maintain the deep respect and love that we have for one another" -- being a twice-married woman is not Jen's only notable accomplishment.

She's one of the most successful actresses of her generation, not only with her breakout role as Rachel Green on Friends, but she's also been nominated for a Golden Globe for Cake and a received critical acclaim for The Good Girl. She's also a producer -- she recently signed on with Reese Witherspoon for a new Apple TV series Dumplin -- and Forbes estimates she's worth bout $200 million.

Basically, Jen is a BOSS WOMAN and to constantly splash her on the front pages of gossip rags with headlines about 'a secret rendezvous with Brad' or 'affairs with her ex' is just not being honest about what type of woman she has proven is; that's the patriarchy wanting to define her. Jennifer Aniston has time and time again proved she's a strong, independent woman and her being married should be of no consequence to her standing as a contributing member of society worthy of RESPECT, not pitiful headlines about a man she married in the 90s.

So, we're not going to go on about Jennifer Aniston's breakup, or the fact she doesn't have a baby. Instead we're going to insist that the 'Brad and Jen back together again' theory needs to die, for good.

We're also turning to wise Jen's years-old relationship insight as a much more possible, non-Brad-Pitt-related reason why she and Justin maybe didn't work out: "There is nothing you can control about love."