An ode to Bob

We should mention Bob stands for Battery Operated Boyfriend. Would you like to meet him? We think you’ll agree he is a real turn-on.

I want to tell you a story about my bosom buddy, Bob. The poor guy is always getting picked on; people seem to make things up about him that simply aren’t true. The other day I was out with some girlfriends and they started telling whoppers about Bob, too – I thought girls were on Bob’s side! So I want to put a stop to the rumours. Of course, I should mention Bob stands for Battery Operated Boyfriend, commonly known as a vibrator (but I like Bob better).

Silly rumour about Bob #1: Your BF is intimidated by him

Well, are you intimidated by his right hand?! Because it’s the same deal. Sure, it doesn’t vibrate, but it’s always by his side and knows how to treat him juuust right. But you’re not jealous – you’re thankful! Thankful it can pick up the slack once in a while. Nearly 70 per cent of men say they’re down with vibrators and the idea of trying them with their lady friends. If this were Centrebet, that would be an odds-on no-brainer.

Silly rumour about Bob #2: He’ll make it harder to orgasm without him

Technology helps us get places faster. Planes, trains, internet, Mixmasters – they all speed up the end result. What they don’t do is take away the human element – we can still walk, read, beat eggs with a whisk. The body is an amazing thing. It might respond faster when Bob is around, but that doesn’t change its ability to get excited by your man’s touch. In fact, our bodies can grow nerve pathways in response to any stimulation, meaning you can round up new ways to climax and still keep the old ones. Winning!

Silly rumour about Bob #3: He has an addictive personality

I love cheese, my hair tongs, my mum. But am I addicted to any of them? No. Not unless you count the time I made my family turn around 40 minutes into a six-hour road trip because I left my tongs at home. Just because you’re into something doesn’t make it an addiction. Medically speaking, addiction is about tolerance – over time, you need more of whatever your poison is to get the same effect. Which means it’s just not physically possible to become hooked on your vibe – in fact, the opposite is likely; you’ll needless time with Bob to get the same effect. Which leaves you more time to eat cheese.

Silly rumour about Bob #4: See him too often and you’ll become desensitised

OK, you might experience a slight numbness if you and Bob have a seriously long session – but it’s akin to your foot falling asleep when you sit on it for too long. Basically the nerve endings get a little sleepy, but it’s harmless and temporary. In fact, vibrators have been linked to higher levels of arousal and an increased libido. So, in short, women down with Bob experience a better love-life. If you don’t believe me, believe the dudes at the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University. They’ve shown women rich in Bob report greater sexual satisfaction than women who aren’t.

Words by Emma Markezic