Broken up but still talking? Try an 'emotional bootcamp'

The No.1 break-up work out.

By Cosmo Team

It doesn't matter what resistance you can click to in spin class or how much willpower you have to walk away from the last piece of chocolate cake, it seems we all need a little PT when it comes to matters of the heart.

This week I have been coaching my friend Lisa through a break-up. Well, we can't really call it a break-up because Mike, the 'man' she was involved with, refused to make their arrangement official. He always got around it by saying things like 'why do we need to give it a title' or 'why don't we just have fun and see where it goes'.

Lisa (who is one of the most intelligent, talented, beautiful girls I know) didn't want to rock the boat so she played by Mike's rules in the hope he would eventually realise what he had and come to the party.

After almost a year of patience it didn't turn out the way Lisa had hoped and Mike ended it because they both wanted different things — she wanted a relationship and he wanted Lisa only when and where it suited him.

When any relationship comes to an end you're going to mourn the loss of that person, miss speaking to them, daydream about them, read their horoscopes (in the hope they're coming to some sort of realisation which leads them to you) and you have this constant sick feeling in the pit of your gut to painfully remind you just how much you want them back. I know this because I've been through it myself and Lisa was no different.

Between the kilos of chocolate, retail therapy, wines and girls nights, you are constantly checking your phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram (etc) for some sort of sign that he's in just as much pain as you are and if you let yourself, you're somehow convinced he is (even if you haven't heard from him) and you give into the drunk-and-dial urge or send him a text with nothing but a sad face (insert cringe).

But no matter how tough it is, when things end with your significant other (especially when it's the significant other's decision) you must, must, must enrol yourself into a high-intensity emotional bootcamp — no exceptions. Forget the gym, this workout will leave you burning more than you ever have before and if it doesn't hurt you're not pushing through the pain hard enough.

Emotional bootcamp involves resistance training (resisting urges of contact), interval training, (go hard, eat, party, dance then sleep it off) flexibility, (the old, to get over someone you need to get under someone) and cardio and strength exercises can also squeeze under that rule.

Just as I told Lisa, no matter how much it hurts or how easily you can justify in your head why it's a good idea to contact him, you should never flake on emotional bootcamp. It's for your own good and after a week or two of intense training and pain you will begin to fill fit and healthy again.

If it doesn't make him realise how much he misses you and wants you back then he doesn't really want you (the way you want him) and do you really want someone who doesn't want you? (The answer is NO). So through your emotional bootcamp training you're giving him the time to realise what he has lost or you're realising you can do better.