Fix “meh” sex

Have you ever wondered what it is that makes sex feel so amazing with one guy, while with another it’s just a bit, well, crap? Cosmo has the answer…

Fix meh sex

Nothing can give you greater sexual confidence than knowing that when your body comes together with his it creates sexual fireworks. But why is it better with some men than others? Why do some couples almost explode with ecstasy when they make love?

A study recently published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that most women do find it easier to orgasm if their partner’s penis is on the large side.

But it’s not as simple as that because, just as the male anatomy comes in all shapes and sizes, so does ours. Bigger is not always best – it’s all about how your bodies fit together.

Good sex can even keep a couple in a relationship. “I’ve met women who have stuck with men who aren’t right for them much longer than they should have, because the sex was so hot,” says sex therapist Rachel Morris.

Sizing him up

“Penis size, shape and width varies as wildly as breast size,” says Siski Green, author of How to Blow her Mind in Bed. The average member (when erect) is 14cm in length and about 12cm in girth, with most men falling within 5cm either side.

Less than 7.5cm is considered a “micropenis” while anything more than 16.5cm is large. Penis enlargement surgery is on the increase – but while The Journal of Sexual Medicine study did find that women orgasm vaginally more easily with a larger member, it doesn’t tell the complete story.

“What constitutes a large penis is subjective,” says Green. “Some men have slight bends or a bulbous tip, and these things can make him feel bigger or smaller – depending on the position – than someone who is technically the same size. The same goes when it comes to girth: a small, thick penis can feel bigger than a long, thin one.

“A University of Ulster study concluded that women involved were more orgasmic because a larger penis will stimulate the entire length of the vagina and cervix. But fingers and an optimum sex position can do the same. With a little trial and error it’s quite possible to enjoy all the sensations of mind-blowing sex – and without any discomfort – whatever his size.”

It’s what’s inside that counts

We’ve pointed out that, like men, all women are different down below – but essentially we work in the same way. “Most vaginas are 7.5-10cm in length and 2.5cm in width when not aroused,” says sexpert Emily Dubberly, founder of “When aroused, the top part of your vagina ‘tents’ or opens and the cervix and uterus lift, making it about 12.5-15cm long.” Some women are slightly longer, wider, or have less muscle tone than others.

Women often worry men will think they’re not tight enough during sex, but experts say this is a common misconception. “The chances of your being ‘too big’ for sex are slim,” says Belle de Jour writer and sex researcher Dr Brooke Magnanti. The same goes for being too small: we’re pretty elastic. When the vagina is filled – with a tampon, finger or penis – it will expand to fit the size, and mould itself around the width of the object.”

The warm-up

As every good chef knows, the success of the main course depends on a lot of careful preparation. “You can get your body ready to have the best response to your boyfriend’s penis,” says Green. There’s no fail-safe guide, but a little experimentation should help discover what works for both of you.

Prime your G-spot

Despite what producers of porn would have you believe, an overly large penis is actually more likely to leave you gasping with pain than pleasure. The key word here is foreplay (as with all penis sizes) – in particular, stimulation of your G-spot.

A study by New Jersey’s Rutgers University found that a woman’s pain threshold increases by 47 per cent if her G-spot is stimulated. This rises to 107 per cent if she has a G-spot orgasm. “The G-spot is on the front wall of the vagina, a few inches up,” says Green. “It feels rough – a bit like a walnut – and swells during arousal to the size of a 10-cent piece.”

Ask him to insert two fingers about 4cm into your vagina, resting his other hand on the front of your pubic area. If he presses your stomach, just below your belly button, this will push your G-spot down to reach his fingers. As he does this, grind your clitoris into his palm.

Prepare for entry

A penis that’s long and thin tends to be more flexible, so it’s the perfect size and shape to tickle your anterior fornix erogenous zone (AFE) – a bundle of nerve endings about 5cm higher than the G-spot, according to the BritishJournal of Sexual and Marital Therapy. The study found that touching this spot will make you ready for sex in as little as 10 seconds, as it sends sexual arousal signals direct to the brain.

No matter what size he is, your partner will need to go long to prepare this sweet spot, as it’s quite high up in your vaginal canal. “Bend your legs up towards your body and ask your partner to insert his index finger into your vagina,” says sexual researcher Dr Yvonne K Fulbright. “If he moves his fingers about 5cm past the G-spot, he’ll find a spongy area. He’ll know if he’s found the right spot because you’ll get instantly wetter. The AFE responds best to light, gentle strokes.”

Tighten your grip

If your man is more of a slim fit, there’s no need to worry. “The vagina moulds around whatever is inserted into it, so you can temporarily prepare yourself for a snug fit,” says Magnanti.

“Simply ask your partner to insert his index finger up to the knuckle. For extra stimulation he can stroke and rub your G-spot while stroking your breasts or clitoris. When he inserts his penis there will be more of a ‘stretch’ as your vagina has to re-form around his size.” This enhances sensation for you as well as boosting his ego in the process.

Get slick

If your man packs a wide load, you’ll need to ease his entry. “A wide penis stretches the vaginal opening and puts pressure on the perineum,” explains Dubberly. Try using a 5-cent coin-sized amount of lube to help. It could boost your pleasure and lessen discomfort.

If you’re stuck for which to pick, Viamax Water Glide has a pH level to match that found naturally in a woman ($22, If he’s on the slim side, a little less lubrication could help increase sensation.

Words by Nicky Williams