Even if your favourite pastime is to get down and dirty with your boyfriend, there will be periods when your sex life gets a bit “meh”. Whether the spark dies out because you’re both slammed at work or because suddenly you guys have less private time (hello, share house), you can fight through the boredom and freshen up your sexy time with a “get lucky” schedule. Yep, there are many ways to put a little zing in your nooky, and making time for the horizontal mambo is a big one, according to experts.
Daily Mail sexpert Tracey Cox says you should make a calendar for sex and not just wait for it to happen: “Plan for it just as you would any big night out. Just as you try out new restaurants, try out new sex styles, techniques and experiences.”
But even though it’s important to make sure you have planned time with your guy, you need to be careful how you sell it to him. There’s nothing like too much pressure (“get hard now, it’s time for sex”) to undermine his performance, so make sure you approach it more as time to hang out, just the two of you, and if sex happens, then great! You know what they say, fake it ‘til you make it – scheduling alone time will get you into a natural routine of making regular sheet time together.
“It’s important to block out time that focuses on your relationship, but be careful not to put too much pressure on actually having sex (by calling it out as ‘sex time’ from the get go) because that can kill the mood,” says sex and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein. “You can do anything you like in that time from talking to laying on the sofa, just as long as you focus on each other.” Sounds nice and easy, right?
Chances are once you’re spending some solo time together, you’ll start to feel pants-dropping lust. And once the spark is there, experts advise that you capitalise on it, with a capital C.
“If you get horny and you have the time, when your body responds sexually, you should act on it,” says Goldstein. This will help you and your man retrain yourselves to make time for each other when you get that urge.
And have you ever noticed the more sex you have, the more often you’re in the mood to get some? “Think of your sex life as a bank account: You need to make regular deposits to keep the balance healthy,” says Cox. So she says don’t wait until you’re at shirt-ripping stage, even the slightest urge shouldn’t be ignored.
So what else do you need to do to get your sex life back into third gear?
You need to communicate. This possibly the answer to all problems: talk it out. If you don’t make things clear then you can’t deal with the issues. Make sure it’s an honest forum and don’t play the blame game.
Learn to compromise. Everyone has their boundaries and that includes how little or how much nooky their willing to have. If you have a high sex drive, tell your guy the minimum sex you’re willing to accept per fortnight, and ask if him to tell you how much he’s willing to have.
“This will show your partner they can still get what they want within their boundary. You have to have a level half-way point to work with if you’re going to compromise and meet each other,” says Goldstein.
Make the first move. Taking the initiative can feel extremely sexy and powerful, so if you want to get down and dirty, why wait for your guy to start it all? You know what they say, if you want something done…
Change things up. “The longer you’re together, the more ‘efficient’ you’ll be sexually. Sex becomes business-like and brief. You know each other’s triggers and buttons to push and press them accordingly,” says Cox. To avoid getting in a rut, mix things up with a few of our tips.