Sex

How to dirty talk 101: Hardcore tips from a porn star

Bet this isn’t something you thought you’d read today.

By Katie Stow
How To Dirty Talk: Tips From A Porn Star

Dirty talk, we feel, can be split into three very prominent categories: Really fucking hot, really fucking funny or really fucking awkward.

When you’re kick-starting a sexting convo, or find yourself wanting to bring some hot and heavy pillow talk to the bedroom, you may find yourself wishing there was some kind of Oxford Dictionary of Dirty Talk to help you get going. Well, we have found just that (sort of), as we had a ~intimate~ chat with Aussie porn star and supremely smart sexologist, Madison Missina, and were briefed on all things dirty talk — from how it’s done in porn, to how to really nail it off-screen.

Go forth, be educated, then get down to the dirty talk.

Why do you think women are sometimes freaked out about dirty talk?

Dirty talk is so personal and a lot of people are shy. Dirty talk is one of those things when your partner is like, “Dirty talk to me” and you’re like, “What do you mean by that?” Do you want me to tell you a fantasy-based of mine or do you want me to degrade myself? It’s such an umbrella term so it’s like, ugh, I don’t know what to do. So yeah it’s not something natural like, “Hey baby I want you to suck my cock”, it becomes more of a conversation about, “What do you mean about dirty talk?”

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What is the best way to dive into that with your partner? What would be your tips when you’re having a conversation about getting started with dirty talk?

Well it’s really just having an open conversation about, “So, you’re into dirty talk, that’s cool”. You’ve got the “I want you to fuck me hard” and being more vocal, and then you’ve got the very degrading type of dirty talk which is still valid, like, ‘I’m your cum whore” and stuff like that. You need to ask, “Where are your boundaries?” and this is the type of thing you want to do, that’s really the first thing.

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Do you think that there’s any kind of empowering dirty talk for women? Almost a feminist dirty talk?

Anything at all can be empowering for the woman if it’s coming from her. Saying this like, “Yes, fuck me hard, fuck me harder,” that’s the woman taking control and being powerful in that moment. Referring to the man as their own sex toy like “you pleasure me this way” in that power dynamic can be a good way to flip the roles around. The male is usually the one in control and the female, we tend to lay back a little bit more and be the ones that are receiving. There’s so many ways to turn dirty talk into empowering but it’s all got to do with how the woman is feeling and if she’s in control and if she’s happy to go ahead and do that.

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Is what you’re asked to do on-screen different from what you do in your personal life?

Yes. Super, super different. In my personal life I’m a lesbian. Personally, I’ve explored my sexuality so much that I now favour of things you would call vanilla, making love, and making a connection. I’ve done so much fucking — I’ve done everything! I’ve ticked all of those ~sexual~ boxes and now what I care about with my partners is being close to them and sharing a really good experience with them.

That’s not to say we don’t do dirty things, to me, my personal sex life is about connection and emotional intimacy, rather than me exploring a fantasy because I’ve done everything. For my work life, with porn especially is when we replicate a fantasy for viewers to enjoy. It’s obviously different; I’m not on a porn set to achieve emotional intimacy with my performer. We just have to get the footage and make it visually exciting for the viewer.

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With on-screen stuff, are you given a dirty talk script?

Sometimes some of my scenes are heavily scripted right down to what I need to say. Most of the time I get to say what I want and sometimes the producer will yell out to you from behind the camera for you to say something and you have to. It happens in all ways.

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Is there anything you hate having to say, or hear, when you’re on set?

Yeah, I’m personally not into anything that is considered degrading. I understand why people like it and are attracted to it, but I find it really difficult to be able to that. I am all about sexuality being great and empowering, so it’s really difficult for me to say horrible words and put people down — but then that’s part of the fantasy. I still will do it, but I shy away from those types of things, particularly in porn. I think there’s a lot of porn out there that is already in that stream and I don’t really feel like I’m adding or making the world a better place by producing more of that stuff.

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With regards to dirty talk tips and advice, what would you suggest would be to go-to opening line to kick-start it all?

I think the way to go through and start learning dirty talk, the first thing you need to do is start becoming more vocal and more into your body. Obviously, going up to someone who’s never done dirty talk before going, “Fuck me harder,” or, “I want to feel your hot hard member feel my pussy”, if she’s not confident that’s not going to come across as sexy at all. It’s going to be one of those laughable, sexual moments.

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When I teach dirty talk, the first thing I get people to do is move into the space of dirty talking. You do that through breathing, so “mm”, “ahhh”, “that feels good”, so you’re not dirty talking in the words but you’re getting into the vibe of it. Then what you want to start saying when you get to the words is describe what you’re doing, “Do you like it when I grab your crotch?”, “Your cock tastes amazing I could suck it all night”, so just describing what’s literally in front of you with lots of graphic ‘ooohs’ and ‘ahhs’.

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So you should always just build up your dirty talk game over time?

Yeah, and if you are a couple that’s exploring dirty talk, laugh at the fuck ups because if you’re not into dirty talking and you’re doing it for you partner, you’re going to say something that you’re going to think “oh my god did that just come out of my mouth?” It’s those moments that create intimacy. It’s OK to make mistakes and laugh it off, it’s all part of the experience. It doesn’t have to be just a sexual experience, its OK to laugh and have fun.

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What would be the best dirty talk text to send, if you want to have a text conversation rather than in person?

For sexting I find what works really well is fantasy based dirty talk and what you want to do is spam that person’s inbox. Send really short texts like “hey baby…” and then another one “just letting you know I’m thinking about you…” you know? Talk about things that you want in the future or things that you loved in the past, but always keep it short. The whole purpose of sexting is that it’s just another form or foreplay. So you want to lead them on and create visual imagery for them.

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Want to continue the conversation? Madison Missina will be appearing at Sexpo in Melbourne from Thursday 16th — Sunday 19th November.