Sex

How to seriously up your hand job game

Shake things up instead of just shaking him about.

By Alix Fox

Hand jobs are really handy.

If you’re knackered/sore/bored of humping after what seems like an interminable session of intercourse, then you can use your palms to pump him to climax. If you’re both suddenly gripped by spontaneous friskiness and you fancy getting him off quickly and easily without messing up your lippy or your lingerie, HJs are your neat grab’n’go go-to. If you can’t or don’t feel like having penetrative sex for whatever reason, and aren’t in the mood for oral, a skilfully delivered manual massage can be a surprisingly sensual, intense, bonding experience. To paraphrase a proverb, sometimes one in the hand can be more worthwhile than one in the bush.

There are naysayers who write hand jobs off as a let down, and ask why a guy would want a gal to jack him off when he can do the very same thing very well himself. But a hand job given by a partner can be an exceedingly different — and elevated — experience to wanking alone. Especially if you take on some of these tips on how to upgrade your standard Hand Shandy to a more sophisticated, stronger Hand Martini…

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1. Trombone his bone

‘Tromboning’ is the act of rimming someone (licking their anal area) while also giving a hand job – so called because playing with a dude’s ass and his instrument simultaneously looks like you’re playing trombone. It’s also known as a ‘rusty trombone’, although there shouldn’t be any rust-coloured residue if his back doorway is clean; hop in the shower together first for peace of mind before you eat a piece of behind.

To work in an HJ at the same time, try getting him to stand up with his legs apart, then kneeling behind him, so you have access to his butt and can reach around or between his thighs to grip his penis. Having him lean forward and place his hands against the wall or grip a steady bit of furniture can help give him extra stability (especially as this move can be quite a knee-trembler!), and neatly presents his Eye of Sauron before you.

Take it slowly. There’s a lot going on for both of you to concentrate on here! And if you want to use flavoured lube, Wicked Sensual Care’s Cinnamon Buns vegan lubricant will make his butt smell and taste like freshly baked Cinnabon (Cinnabum?). It’s one of the best I’ve ever tried, and honestly lush, especially for lickin’ tush. They do a limited edition Peppermint Cocoa variety for winter, too. You go, Glenn Coco, and toot that trombo!

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2. Get going on the gonads

Another place to lick while you’re stroking that dick is his testicles. “I love it when my partner fellates my balls while she’s giving me a hand job – that’s definitely something I can’t do alone without having a whole rack of ribs removed!” says Jon, 27. “In fact, I sometimes ask her to do it while I’m stroking myself.”

3. Reflect on things

Guys generally look down on you giving them a hand job (directionally, not judgmentally – if someone’s doing the latter, take your hand off his cock and use it to hail a cab outta there). Positioning yourselves in front of a mirror allows you both to watch the action from a refreshingly different voyeuristic viewpoint.

Try maintaining eye contact in the glass as you touch him. Or stand naked behind him and reach around to hold him, taking advantage of the fact that the reflection makes it easier to see what you’re doing. You could make a show of drizzling massage oil over your breasts first so you can rub and slide them against his back while you use your slicked-up hands to stroke him.

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Alternatively, invest in a Luvsense LUVVU - a round mirror specifically designed for sexy times, which slots into a subtle fitting above your bed when you want to get it on, but quickly unclips to be stowed away when you want to get it off, because your parents/the landlord/anyone you don’t want to know that you’ve been having a looky while you make whoopie is coming over to your gaff. You can angle it to give the most flattering view, and it has both a plain side and a red-tinted side to create different atmospheres. It’s not cheap, but it’s so hot it’s off the Scoville scale, and it takes a lazy lay-down HJ to a whole new luxury level.

4. Nail it

This tip (indeed, almost any tip) isn’t going to be up everyone’s street. It might make certain guys run down the street, away from you, as fast as they can. But some gents love you to run your nails very gently up the shaft of their penis, or even to dig them in momentarily if they’re into pain.

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“My girlfriend has beautifully manicured, slightly pointed artificial nails, and even the visual of them wrapped round my cock turns me on – it’s so juxtaposed to my own chunky, stubby-fingered man hand!” explains Zahir, 24. “When she traces the tips of them up and down my penis really delicately, but with the threat that she could scratch me if she wanted to, I feel totally in her control and it’s so intense. We’re into S&M play, and sometimes during a hand job she’ll pause and squeeze them into my erection, giving me a jolt that hurts for a second before she soothes the sensation away. I love it.”

“My partner plays with her fingernails super-lightly around my frenulum (the band of tissue on the underside of the penis connecting the foreskin to the glans) – never hurting me, but just dancing them over the area while she whispers dirty talk,” enthuses Nathan, 30. “It’s my favourite way to begin a hand job.”

If you want to try this, start very gradually, and ask your lover how he feels about it. Not getting his consent before digging your nails cuticle-deep into his peen is not cute.

5. Add a toy to your tugging

Tenga are a Tokyo-based company who are hugely famous – and popular – in Japan for their modern, design-led male masturbation toys, now available in Australia. We’ve already written about how we can’t get en-oeuf of Tenga Eggs – soft, squidgy, hollow silicone domes with a hole in the bottom, which you squirt some lube into before stretching over the penis and using it to stroke him up and down. Each egg has a different stimulating texture within it, to make hand jobs feel next-level exciting. There are 17 different varieties, including ‘Misty’ – patterned with hundreds of tiny nobbles to create a ‘veil of fluttering sensations along his shaft’ – and ‘Stepper’ – embossed with triangles designed to add texture to both the up-stroke and the down-stroke.

Eggs are sold as single use only, although unofficially, if you turn them inside-out to wash them thoroughly, dry them carefully and choose one of the more robust ‘hard boiled’ versions made from tougher material, you can get a few uses out of them. However, Tenga also sell tonnes of reusable male masturbation devices, like the Flip Hole – which flips open for easy cleaning, and looks a bit like the plutonium canisters that power the DeLorean in Back To The Future.

You can get warming rods that bring the toys up to body temperature before use, as well as different lubes to give variously smooth or tingling feels, or add a slight stickiness that enhances a guy’s awareness of every ridge and bump inside the device. Basically, it’s the Elon Musk of advanced hand job gear. What Tesla is to tech, Tenga is to todgers.

6. Breathe with him as you relieve him

Whenever I talk about the impact that being aware of your breathing can have upon sex, I’m sure I must sound like I only hump in hemp bedsheets, use tampons made of organic moss inside my tofu-foof and have a vegan boyfriend I’ve nicknamed my ‘soyfriend’. But while I’m not about to preach about how align your shag chakras or instruct you to weave some beads and feathers into your pubes and start referring to your vagina as ‘the dreamsnatcher’, it really is true that increasing how conscious you are of your breath can make a huge difference to the sense of pleasure, relaxation and bonding gained from a sexual experience – including the humble hand job.

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Before beginning an HJ, see if you and your partner can sync your breathing, inhaling slowly together through your nose (light seductively scented candles to perfume the room, if you like), deep into the pits of your stomachs, then exhaling through your mouth. Once you’re in time, start stroking him up and down at the same pace.

Deep, full breaths can help boost circulation and blood flow through the genitals, plus aid stress-reduction and focus on sensation, and breathing in harmony with one another adds a sense of meditative connectedness.

7. Put a ring on it

Most people position vibrating cock rings like the Durex Intense Vibrations with the buzzing pod on top of the penis, so it hits a woman’s clitoris during intercourse. But if you swivel it around 180 degrees, so it rests on his testicles, it can add extra stimulation to his balls while leaving both your hands free to jack the beanstalk.

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8. Use a newbie lube

I’ve written before about how using lube to slick his dick is an instant way to make manual sex wetter ‘n’ better - that’s pretty much Hand Job 101. But using new varieties you haven’t tried before is an easy way to make things more experimental.

Other innovative formulas you might not have (ahem) come across before include Toka Warming Effect Gel, which contains ginger extract , and Cobeco Male Powder Lubricant – a dust you mix with water to make the consistency as thick or thin as you like. Lubey-doobey-doo!

Via: Cosmopolitan UK