This man's story about losing his wedding ring inside his wife will make you never want to have sex again

​I'm celibate now.

By Laura Beck

In what is the most anal story on the Internet today, a man on Reddit claims to have lost his wedding ring up his wife's butt hole.

There's not much to say other than, let's dive right in — which is what the doctors in the ER probably said.

The story starts out tame enough. The man says he lost a bunch of weight recently and so his wedding ring is loosey goosey on his finger. This wasn't a big deal until his wife suggested a specific sexual activity.

I'll let him take it away:

With a devious glint in her eye, she suggested: "How about anal?" Excellent plan, of course. I got the lube and used copious amounts. Now, you've got to take it slowly; first, gently with one finger... Then two... And finally, my index, middle and ring finger were all lubed up and in there. Good times. After my lady was sufficiently warmed up, we were happily banging away. But as I slapped her fine ass, I noticed something. Something missing.

Ruh roh!

He goes on:

"Hey, my ring came off," I said. "Probably on the mattress," she replied. Not on the mattress. "On the ground?" she asked, now with a hint of nervosity. Not on the ground. Then it dawned upon both of us.

He fished around for the ring but he said his "monster dong" had pushed it too far in and that he spent "a good 10 minutes." Yikes.

They gave up the search and she drank four cups of coffee over the next hour and then crapped it out into the toilet. "From the living room I heard an explosive splattering sound, followed by a faint 'Oh my God.'"*

OK. Lesson learned: if you lose a bunch of weight and want to stick your fingers in someone else's orifices, make sure to take off your jewellery first!

Source: Cosmo US