The sex talk

Got a question you’re too scared to ask your man? Ky Henderson sorts your bedroom dilemmas...

Q Having sex in the ocean has always been a fantasy, and my boyfriend and I want to try it soon. Do you have any tips?

A “Sex in the ocean (or river or swimming pool) can be sensational and memorable,” says sexpert Bella Ellwood-Clayton. “Water adds an exciting, sensual element to sex and it gives you a feeling of weightlessness. If you’re in a secluded spot or it’s night, consider having sex on the shore. Sure, sand may be an issue – but life’s short, so why not recreate one of those cinematic rolling-around-in-the-waves scenarios? Otherwise, the best way to do it is standing up, with your legs wrapped around your partner’s waist. Trust me, it’s worth experiencing!” Just keep in mind that in Australia it’s illegal to have sex in a public place, so try to find a private beach before you get naked. **Q I’ve always wanted to try having sex on the stairs. What is the hottest (and most comfortable) position to try?**

A “Definitely doggie-style,” says sex expert Yvonne K Fulbright. “The incline lets him enter you at an upward angle so he has direct access to your G-spot. Get on all fours, with your knees on one step and hands on the one above, then get your guy to kneel on the step below you so your bodies are meshed together. If this hurts your knees, do it standing – brace your arms a few steps higher so you don’t have to bend down as far. Just make sure he doesn’t thrust too hard or you may lose your balance. For extra pleasure, keep one hand on the step for balance and use the other to stimulate your clitoris.” **Q I want to handcuff my husband in bed, but feel weird initiating it. What’s the best way to playfully introduce it in the bedroom?**

A According to Fulbright, “First, get in that sexy, dominatrix mind-set. Wear something that makes you feel powerful and hot, like black lingerie and killer heels. Straddle him and whisper in his ear, ‘I’m taking charge tonight, and I have one rule: you can’t touch me.’ Then show him the handcuffs and seductively restrain his wrists as you kiss his neck. (If you’re worried handcuffs are too much, start out by loosely tying his wrists with one of his ties.) Once you have him bound, teasingly kiss all over his body, stopping occasionally to let him watch you stroke yourself – it’ll make him crazy, since he knows he can only look, not touch… and I bet you can take it from there.” **Q Our bathtub is quite small, but having sex in it seems like a hot idea to me. What’s the best position for having sex in a bathtub?**

A “Start by having your guy sit up in the tub with his knees bent,” says Fulbright. “Straddle him so you’re face-to-face, and lower yourself on to his penis (put your legs either side of his chest). Place your forearms on the edge of the tub and use it as leverage to go up and down or back and forth. This position is great for your G-spot, since it allows you to control the pace and change the angle by leaning forward and backward. Plus, your hot spots are on display, so he can lavish attention on your breasts and clitoris.” While sex in the tub sounds erotic, Cosmo GP Dr Penny Adams says not to make it a regular feature in your sex life, as water can dilute your natural lubrication and lead to an increased risk of infections.  **Boy wonders** Yep, sometimes guys can get confused about sex stuff too... **Q My ex used to push her finger up my bum while giving me oral – it was mind-blowing. Since we split, I don’t want to ask anyone to do it in case they react badly. Is it normal, and is it OK to ask?**

A “It is normal and it is OK to ask,” says sex therapist Rachel Morris. “But that’s not really the problem here – it’s your perception of it. The fact that you expect others to be ‘disgusted’ tells me that on some level you’re disgusted. You’ve got nothing to feel ashamed about. For many, the anus is just another erogenous zone, while for others it’s a no-go zone. It’s merely a matter of personal taste, like everything on the sex menu. So don’t be afraid to broach the subject with a new partner.” **Q Since we stopped using condoms, sex leaves my girlfriend’s bits burning. We thought it might be thrush or an STI, so we got tested and we’re both clear. It must be me. I think my sperm’s toxic.**

A “Your sperm is not toxic, but it might be toxic to your girlfriend if she is allergic to it,” says Morris. “Occasionally women do react badly to proteins in men’s semen. Symptoms include swelling and itching around and in the vagina and vulva, and last anywhere from an hour to days. If that’s the case, it’s an unlucky coincidence. Revert to condoms for a month; if it clears up, you have your answer. She could also ask her GP about getting an allergy test.”