Sex

These 95 completely f*cked searches made on sex toy websites will make your day

Five counts of 'Mild Vagina' please.

By Katie Stow

Sex toy websites are a weird and wonderful cornerstone of our bizarre planet. They're a place where you can discover a new buzzworthy best mate, buy a kinky present for your partner or just scroll and see what's trendy in the world of sex.

But have you ever wondered what other people hunt for on a sex toy site? Well we have the answer as Lovehoney have released their serious odd search history, showing that customers far too often get sex toy sites mixed up with their local supermarket and that they are often fighting a brutal battle against typos and auto-correct fails.

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Here are the 95 weirdest and wackiest searches made for sex toys, guaranteed to confused the heck out of you:

  1. Make you duck longer
  2. Election enhancers
  3. Cockfosters extension
  4. Pension extender
  5. Masterbakers for male
  6. Master storyteller sleeves
  7. Prostate lasagne
  8. Blowtorch stroker
  9. Extra quiet clitoris
  10. quiet rabbi
  11. g Spotify
  12. large g snot rabbit
  13. vibe eating butt plug
  14. king clock dildo
  15. breaded dildo
  16. jelly bilbaos
  17. rubber dodos
  18. nipped pasty
  19. nipple gardening cream
  20. or gasman creams
  21. pies for woman to get horny
  22. parents ribbed and dotted
  23. bondage ape
  24. Lego restraints
  25. Clint clamps
  26. Sexist enhancer
  27. Sex tits
  28. Argue dildo
  29. Be warned balls
  30. Begging set
  31. Bitterly Kiss
  32. Bleak lace lingerie
  33. Blue worthless knickers
  34. Fifty Shades of Greed
  35. Cock extinction
  36. Fleshlight insults
  37. Handcoffins
  38. Hate based lubricant
  39. Male sick vibrator
  40. Male wasterbators
  41. Vaginal fighting cream
  42. Ben War Balls
  43. Very berating pants
  44. Pensive sleeve
  45. Performance kills
  46. Remorse Egg
  47. Repent rabbit
  48. Undead wear
  49. Ruthless panties
  50. Sorry panties
  51. Worthless dispenser panties
  52. Bishop vibrator
  53. Barman vibrator
  54. Cricket vibe
  55. Turnip vibrator
  56. Parsnip vibrator
  57. Vibrators with Noodles
  58. Bike saddle dildos
  59. Pogo stick dildo
  60. Glasses with testicals snapped to them
  61. Darth Vader condom
  62. Extra sting condoms
  63. Pickled onion condoms
  64. Chicken Tikka Masala condoms
  65. Lovehoney wine
  66. Extra wine vibrator
  67. Make-up sperm coconut
  68. Peparami lube
  69. Love twiglets
  70. Family Guy sex doll
  71. Japanese dancing pants
  72. Loyal pyjamas
  73. Machine guns
  74. Meeting point in Bangkok airport
  75. Bike rake inside caravan
  76. Walking trails in East Falmouth
  77. Is drinking allowed on coaches
  78. Parrot sale in India
  79. North Korea
  80. Andrex supreme quilts toilet roll tissue paper
  81. Fairy non bio pods sensitive skin washing capsules
  82. Roasted cauliflower with parmesan cheese
  83. Serrano ham
  84. Ragu
  85. Absinthe
  86. Hide your drink in bra
  87. Mild penis
  88. Mild vagina
  89. Outpouring Vegan
  90. Room of Priests
  91. Scrotal parachute
  92. The loo of love
  93. Wednesday
  94. Dave

And finally… that one shopper that knows exactly what they want:

  1. A silicone butt plug for beginer one my wife can leave in her ass n get on with housework shaped without risk of it falling out

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