Sex toys decoded

Our resident sex guru has compiled the BEST knee trembling, stomach spasming, moan makers on the market today.

Sex toys decoded

Buying your first, second or 900th pleasure utensil can be a little daunting. Don’t worry, even I still get nervous standing in front of a wall of brightly colored, oddly shaped, phallus-like products. And then the main question: which one will guarantee a fun filled Friday evening...alone.

Luckily for you (and me!), I have taken it upon myself to compile the BEST knee trembling, stomach spasming, moan makers on the market today. Yes, I have spent two weeks, taking 23 (that’s right 23 - it was a slow work week) vibrators, ticklers, and other naughty night delights, for a joy ride.

And here ladies are my official top three:

1. Hitachi Magic Wand

Oh my Hitachi! No one, not even the elite pleasure product making gods, can manage to outdo the golden oldie Mr Hitachi! This bad boy was originally a “back massager” - I’m sure you remember infamous Sex And The City moment when Samantha tries to return her “broken” device complaining it no longer “gets her off”.

Well, this rather large and somewhat noisy massager is the BEST toy in the world. Don’t ask me if it’s the rough, circular head or the heavy vibrations but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a woman in the world who could fail to climax during a Hitachi test drive. It’s. That. Good.

2. N-joy

Weighing almost a kilo, this guy is a just the tool for that pesky, hard-to-find G-spot.

A stainless steel, beautifully designed dildo, I almost want to display him on my mantel piece! The real beauty of the N-joy is the weight, so important for G-spot stimulation; the heavy wand really allows you to apply firm pressure. Be warned however, before use, warm up the N-joy under warm water or you will freeze your little Chihuahua off! Enjoy!

3. LELO...well anything

This one is for the sex toy connoisseur, who appreciates elegant and sexy design and max pleasure. Yes, these toys are pretty damn pricey, but worth the investment. My fave: the NEA, a very dainty and cute-as-a-button personal massager. So discreet you could carry her in your handbag... although I’m not sure why you would want to, there are very few occasions that require you to whip out your vibrator at work!

Another Lelo favorite is the GIGI, finally a playtime toy that doesn’t wake the neighbors. Bliss!

Now ladies go forth and love yourself. Just remember to use water based lubricate and store your precious pals away from small children or dogs. Nobody likes a rogue sex toy springing to life during dinner!